Friday, 11 December 2015

The Hiccupspiracy

(Here's the second sketch that didn't go through. Which is some bull because I think this would have been entertaining to see!)

(Open with a door and a room that is filled with Post-Its, corkboards, tacks, string and anything else conspiracy theorist looking. Gary goes to knock on the door, which Ekup answers)

Gary: Are you E*hiccup*kup?

Ekup: It’s pronounced Eh-*hic*-kap. But yes, I am the one you seek. You *hic* must be Gary. Come in.

Gary: I gotta be honest with you, I wasn’t *hiccup* expecting to end up here. I thought I’d be at a *hiccup* doctor’s office.

Ekup: Trust *hic* me. You’re safer here.

Gary: (looks confused but then dismisses the comment) So…can you *hiccup* help me?

Ekup: I don’t know…*hic* …are you willing to learn…*hic* (extra-dramatically)…the awful truth?

Gary: (curious) What do you mean? All I have are *hiccup*s that won’t go away.

Ekup: Yes, I thought too that the *hiccup*s were just nothing to worry about. A minor incon-*hic*…incon-*hic*…inconveni-*hic*…annoying. That they were nothing to be afraid of. After all, they come *hic* and go, right?

Gary: Well these don’t.

Ekup: I assume that you’ve tried all the *hic* tricks. But they don’t really kill the *hiccup*s. They just make them dormant.

Gary: What do you mean, *hiccup* dormant?

Ekup: (Pointing to the wall) You see, the *hiccup*s never leave. They just rest. But when they *hic* return, they become more powerful than ever. Have you ever wondered how no one *hic* really knows why we even get the *hiccup*s? How no one has found the answer to that questions after all *hic* these centuries of medical advances?

Gary: Come to *hiccup* think of it…I don’t know why I get these *hiccup*s…

Ekup: Exactly! That’s because of the *hiccup*-spiracy!

Gary: (shocked) The *hiccup*-spiracy?

Ekup: (going to a book or the board to illustrate the conspiracy) For centuries, many *hic* brave souls have been trying to *hic* get to the bottom of why we have these dreaded *hiccup*s. They managed to gather infor-*hic*-mation about an elite shadow organi-*hic*-zation that is destined to keep us in line. To make us obey the government blindly, *hic* to force us to take vaccines that are slowly killing us, *hic* and to continue giving Micheal Bay money to make his movies!

Gary: (gasps and hiccups at the same time, you figure that one out) My god! So my roommate who does nothing but eat mushrooms and listen to Alex Jones *hiccup* is right!

Ekup: Ex-*hic*-actly! In fact, that’s the only way these *hic* people (pointing or pulling out images of people who have uncovered the Hiccupspiracy) have found it out. But they have been caught, killed or reprogrammed in the name of the *hiccup*-spiracy. But why are you in my midsts? You seem like the average *hic* sheeple. Tell me your dissenting thoughs, comrade.

Gary: Well I haven’t been liking Pixar movies late-*hiccup*-ly.

Ekup: (writing notes) M-*hic*-hm…

Gary: I really can’t stand *hiccup* Drake’s music at all…

Ekup: (continues to write down notes) Yes…

Gary: And I just can’t bring myself to watch *hiccup* Breaking Bad. So overrated...

Ekup: (drops notepad and pencil dramatically) My god! The *hiccup*-spirators will surely give *hic* you the ultimate penalty for this!

Gary: What *hiccup* about you?

Ekup: I *hic* dare not say it aloud…but I con-*hic*-fide in you. (whispers the secret into Gary’s ear)

Gary: Holy sh-*hiccup*!

(loud noises are heard, mostly consisting of things being broken, a siren going off and military like people shouting to find Ekup, the Hiccupspiracy Soldier arrives at the door)

Hiccupspiracy Soldier: Ekup, we know you’re in there. You are in violation 593-D of the Hiccupinati’s Judicial Code For Society. There is nowhere for you to run so come quietly with your friend.

Ekup: Fuck *hic* you*!

Hiccupspiracy Soldier: You leave us no choice. (Presses a button and begins to bust the door down)

Ekup: (grows weaker with each hiccup) *hic* God-*hic*-damn it! The *hic* mega-*hiccup*s! Run *hic* Gary! Spread *hic* the *hic* word! They *hic* can’t *hic* silence *hic* us *hic* all. Qu-*hic*-ick-*hic*-ly, save *hic* your-*hic*-self. (points to the exit with last bit of energy, dies)

(The Hiccupspiracy Soldier busts down the door and sees Gary. Gary rushes towards the exit, doing little jumps/stops/jolts as his hiccups continue to escalate as the Hiccupspiracy Soldier chases after him)

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