Asking For Mercy

I ask God for mercy
But I doubt God’s there
Yet I do obtain mercy
Question is from where

Will I have it again
Or not anymore
How much is left
And when will there be no more

For if God were there
God would know me well
That’d I’m more suited
To go straight to hell

If God were there
Would God hate my doubt
Would God feel betrayed
That I am not fully devout

For if God is merciful
And mercy’s brought
Would God be mad
That my belief is naught

God knows I’m not worthy
God knows of my flaws
If God gives me mercy
Then should I pause

Pause to give my blessings
Given that I do get them
Or is it simply ability
And not from Bethlehem

Does God give me mercy
Or do I give myself that
Will either come to me
Or is my hope flat

Why must I not know
If mercy comes to me
But if it very well does
Is it God or my ability