Pitching Schindler's List 2

A Hollywood executive is waiting for his meeting with two men on the sequel for Schindler's List 2

Hollywood Exec: What's taking them so long?

The intercom goes off

Hollywood Exec: (pushes button) Yes, Denise?

Denise: Your 3 o' clock is here

Hollywood Exec: They're an hour late. Send them in.

Two men appear. For the sake of convenience let's call one John and the other Sam. John runs in, dropping some papers which he promptly picks up. Sam, on the other hand, walks in nonchalantly wearing sunglasses indoors and drinking from a Starbucks cup

Hollywood Exec: You two are late!

John: (flustered) Sorry about that sir, I had a bit of trouble with traffic.

Sam: 'Sup dude. (sips from his cappuccino or whatever)

Hollywood Exec: Listen...I've heard that you two have done some great work in this business. John, you've gotten some wonderful recognition from all those fancy film festivals, as well as winning that Golden Hand thingy...

John: You mean the Palme d'Or?

Hollywood Exec: Whatever. And you Sam, those summer blockbusters are just printing money!

Sam: Well, as my mentor said, "You can't go wrong with explosions and titties."

Hollywood Exec: Yes, well I've been given the order by the higher-ups to make a sequel to one of the greatest movies in the world. And since I know that you two can make some great stuff, I want to hear each of your pitches for the film. Starting with you, Sam.

Awkward silence.

Hollywood Exec: You do have an idea for me, don't you?

Sam: Uh...yeah! I'm calling it...uh...Schindler's List 2: Schindler's Pissed!

John: Really? That's the name you're going with? You sure you didn't get that from a TV show while stoned off your ass?

Sam: Well, what are you calling it smart-guy?

John: The Trials Of Schindler

Sam: How the hell would anyone know it's the sequel to the movie?

John: Well it takes place at the aftermath of WWII, where Schindler is f-

Hollywood Exec: Hey, it's Sam's turn to talk, not yours.

John: Sorry sir.

Sam: Anyways, it takes place at the aftermath of WWII, where Schindler is still in Germany. He's still guilt-ridden by the Jews that he was unable to save and stuff. He then reads in the paper that some of the Nazis have avoided being in the Nuremberg trials. So he then makes it his mission to track down all the Nazi officials and bring them to justice (with a terrible LaFontaine impression) one way or another.

John and the executive have their jaws open.

Sam: So what do ya think?

Hollywood Exec: (aghast) Well, I gotta say this is...this is...

absolutely brilliant! Keep going.

Sam: Yes well...

John: Wait, hold on a sec...you really want to hear more of this nutjob's idea for the film?

Hollywood Exec: Of course, I think it has a lot of potential.

John: Even though he ignores the fact that Schindler left Germany and ended up in Bavaria?

Hollywood Exec: We're not really known for being historically accurate, kid. What matters is how good the story can be...you know that's true

John: (reluctantly) You got me there.

Hollywood Exec: Carry on.

Sam: Anyways, so he's finding Nazi after Nazi. At first he tries to reason with them, but they don't cooperate...so he pulls out the big guns and starts gunning them down. (imitates gunfire noises) As he keeps getting Nazi after Nazi, collecting the bounty on their head, he overhears that Amon Goeth has returned to plot his revenge on Schindler.

Hollywood Exec: That's genius!

John: (sarcastic chuckle) If it weren't for the fact that he's dead, sure.

Sam: And it turns out that Goeth is planning to recreate an underground concentration camp under a movie theatre, in which he captures Itzhak Stern as well as a whole bunch of other Jews. So then we see Schindler overseeing the travesty as a little boy with blue clothes meandering about aimlessly in the midst of all the chaos. 

John: Oh, so you're going to make it black and white like the original and have that be a key symbolic feature in the film?

Sam: What is this, the 40s? We'll make it color.

John puts his head down in shame

Hollywood Exec: Yes, that way we can appeal to the modern audiences!

Sam: So we see Schindler continue beating up Nazis, getting information from them and informing the president of the United States to send a task force of his greatest men to combat the Holocaust 2.0.

John: Why would Schindler contact the president of the United States?

Sam: Well who else is going to stop those Nazis, the Germans?

John: You do know Germany went a full 180 after the war? It's not like they actually believed Hitler and would let another Holocaust happen. Hell, the Germans should have been stopping this underground holocaust from happening.

Sam: Fine, they'll be bribed with Nazi gold.

John: The rest of the world would be on their asses then.

Sam: The Nazis become the greatest superpower and everyone's afraid to intervene.

John: That doesn't ev-

Hollywood Exec: Let the man finish for Christ's sake! Go on, Sam.

Sam: Afterwards, we find that Schindler breaks Stern out of the new Holocaust and starts making a new list of the Jews he's going to free, which the two find a way of doing so. Then when meeting up with the American team, they devise a plan to ambush Goeth and the Nazi buddies at the theatre. Then we'll have Stern with a...a subplot of trying to get revenge on Goeth's second hand man who then ended up killing his wife, while Goeth is  planning to destroy the Jews with a doomsday device. Oh and uhhh did I mention that Schindler gets a smoking hot French chick on his team that kicks a ton of ass and has the hots for him?

John: (rolls eyes) Good lord, why don't you just make it so that the little boy in the blue clothes is brainwashed by the Nazis to become an ultimate killing force?

Hollywood Exec: That's not such a bad idea.

John pulls out a flask and starts drinking from it

Sam: In the end, we have this giant climatic battle in the theatre. Everyone on the team is dead. All but Schindler. Amon Goeth informs Schindler that he's captured Stern and his girlfriend and placed them with the rest of the Jews there. He then sicks the little boy on him, who's become a...a...(snaps his fingers) a cyborg spider with fire-breath!

The Hollywood executive is on the edge of his seat. John keeps drinking from his flask

Sam: Before the boy finishes him off, Schindler reminds the fire-breathing cyborg spider boy of the importance of his family, which touches its heart. The fire-breathing cyborg spider boy then kills Amon Goeth, which prompts Schindler to say...

John: Oh god, don't you even think about saying it...

Sam: "I guess you did nazi that coming?"

The Hollywood executive is in stitches. John finishes his flask.

Sam: Schindler then runs off to to where Stern and his girlfriend are and saves them along with a whole bunch of Jews. The building then explodes and upon that he finds the remains of a ton of the Jews. He then says that he could have saved those Jews, he could have saved more of them. He starts to cry out in anguish over the souls that are lost. We seen the turmoil of a tortured soul who has done his best, but feels as though that is not enough.

The Hollywood executive starts blubbering, blowing his nose into a tissue.

Sam: His girlfriend then informs him that he did his best, and that it was the damn best that he could have done. The two then kiss and all the Jews applaud as they all walk out into the sunset. The end.

Hollywood Exec: Well I gotta say, this is one hell of a project! It's gonna be a tough act to follow, John.

John: (twitching furiously) You really can't think that what this guy is saying is a great idea? You seriously can't!

Hollywood Exec: Oh come on, this story is wonderful!

John: It's not! For one, why would Schindler go gung-ho against the Nazis if he's freeing them from the camps through some other way? Why do we need to include Americans out of nowhere? Whatever happened to Emilie Schindler? Did we just forget that he was already married? What happened to Stern's subplot? Or the French girl's ass-kicking abilities? There's so many other questions that are left to the viewer! But fine, go ahead and make it. I guarantee you that Steven Speilberg, Liam Neeson, Ben Kingsley and everyone else would spit on your script. You'd then have to find some other director and actors who would end up making this sequel more unnecessary than it already is!

Sam: Well if you think this is pointless, why did you bother to come up with a pitch for the film?

John: Look I didn't think that making a pitch for this film was pointless...okay I kind of did, but I can see potential in the idea of continuing with the story of Schindler. The man was not a perfect being, his business and personal life were terrible after the war. He never got his factories working right, he was a complete adulterer; these things don't seem to connect with such a heroic figure. But with that all said, his deeds shouldn't be cast aside from his own faults. Just because great men have faults doesn't mean that their achievements are no less important. I want to build upon the torment that he felt from not being able to save more lives. I want to emphasize the idea that while we all have our faults, we are capable of doing good. Not plaster this man's name to another brainless Nazi-killing fantasy.

More awkward silence

Hollywood Exec: You know, John...you make some good points. And I like your angle on the story too. Tell you what, I'll let you both do your take on the film. I'll let the public decide.

A few years later, the two films come out. Schindler's List 2: Schindler's Pissed and The Trials Of Schindler. The former makes a ton of money, but the only people that like it do so ironically. The latter receives multiple awards from a variety of festivals and just barely manages to break even. 

A Ghost With A Name - An Introspection On Six Years Of School

I didn't know anything about Canada when I first got here. As far as I knew, the only thing that was in North America was the U.S. I suppose when you're 12, you don't know much about many things. With my lack of knowledge, there was probably a large opening to change myself and become adjusted to a new way of thinking. I certainly did manage to have a new line of thinking, but changing myself would take six years, and by this point it would be too late to rewrite my middle/high school life. I certainly do feel bad for some of things I've done, but I don't know how far I'd go to say that I actually regret how the events unfurled. I've certainly made mistakes, but the whole point of the human experience is to learn from the error of your ways. That's a way that your character is both built and tested. This school year has certainly done a deal to shape my character for the future that is university. While it hasn't washed away my bias against school, it has at least made me understand the other factors that make it unpleasant. Mainly the institution and how adolescence is a generally unpleasant point in your life. At least when it comes to emotions.

Furthermore, this year has given me a great deal of clarity. It's not to say that I haven't done a deal of introspection myself. When you're alone, you eventually steer down that path, and being alone a lot makes those internal conversations a lot longer. Sometimes, they're far longer than they need to be. Sometimes, they just seem to cloud your mind and pollute it with ideas that shouldn't be there. Sometimes, it's simply filled with ignorance and delusions fueled by your ego. Introspection is nothing without the outside perspective. You have to look at the world around you, the years that you reflect upon and the way people change in those years to understand where you were in that time. With that, then you comprehend better your own situation.

For the first little while (that is to say my middle school years), I still carried with me the baggage of my old experiences in school. It was mostly filled with short, blind temper and a peculiar personality, both of which were exploited by those around me. The results were either a barrage of cackles or a visit to the head of middle school's office. It wasn't the sort of weird antics that could later move me into an ostracized group nor were my savage outbursts suitable for the status of a troublemaker. I had neither the interest nor the mentality for either in any case. Those early years had their pleasant periods, but generally it was the beginning of a bitter battle between me and an old enemy who's face had transformed into something much more contemporary and artificial. One of the things I slowly figured out was that while Canadians may have smiles on their faces, not all of them are the cause of a happy-go-lucky spirit. It became clear to me when I saw people in the hallways along with the teachers and other faculty. While it was easy for me to figure out the ulterior motive of those upholding the school, the ones walking the halls was more of an enigma. Still, I knew that I would combat against them on various occasions.

Transitioning from middle school to high school, I had let my precocity blossom, whilst at the same time letting it become tangled with my immaturity. I certainly wasn't aware of it because the former gave me the feeling that I was above it all, include those that I was shut out from. I had made the observation that the average teenager was nothing more than an animal, driven by their brutish actions. I found myself coming across some individuals who became interested in me as a friend, and I did good enough to act upon it. At the same time though, the previous tensions of the past years did well enough to distance me from those who would take the time to acknowledge me in a form that was fitting for me. That was at fault of my loneliness becoming so vitriolic that it would cause my mind to become adamant in separating from any crowd whatsoever. It explains why most of my earlier interactions were laughably awkward or frighteningly alienating. Still, from those interactions came forth a personality that was always there but never properly nurtured. The social side of me seemed to be fed better by online experiences rather than real life ones.

In the years that high school encapsulated, I found myself at odds with two personalities; one with a disregard for the social constructs of school and one wishing to be more included in said world. The war was now being fought in my head and needless to say that it was a mess all around. What were my perceptions of the people around me? What were their perceptions of me? What did I want in the end? None of the questions seemed concrete, and even today I can't say that they are still. Granted they've become more solidified since then, but time is often a factor that leaves matters to be subject to change. I had not done much outward challenging of the world around me, or at least it was never done to a recognizable level. At the most I could have been categorized as a loner with music in his ears, and there's no glory in being one in high school. I begun to challenge myself and chip away at the unwarranted cynicism that festered in my being. It led me to see what others were offering me. But in doing so, I was still vulnerable to pessimistic thoughts. By doing so, the following phrase became known to me: a ghost with a name.

Such a phrase was fitting to describe how I was. It was made clear to me by how I was approached at in the halls, how I was met with at some of the parties that I finally yearned for and how I interacted with people in the plays I worked. I was someone who you could recognize and make note of, but easily walk past. For a while I felt that the blame was upon others, but this wound was just another one that had to be self-inflicted. It had been too late to stitch it up, but that's not to say that there wasn't a great deal of attempts at doing so. Upon realizing that I was simply that, I felt more inclined to continue my resenting ways and to further place myself in my sulking state. Doing so neither resulted in time ticking faster for this madness to end nor did it result in impacting artwork that could explain my plight in a manner that would give it enough dignity so that it wouldn't be the complete joke that it was. Instead, I made the effort to act more sociable and to take certain risks that could pull me away from that depressing funk. It didn't completely work since by now certain ideas had become so engrained in my mind, but I was able to become more tolerant and perhaps accepting of the peers around me.

As this year came rolling by, having it end was at the forefront of my mind. I had no one to feel anything for, save for the teachers who I didn't think would be too sad to see me move on from their classrooms. Not so much that I had not made connections with them, but because they could see how I could develop myself with the university life. This year also seemed to be the one that I liked the most, since it was the one that I felt the most included in. I had gotten what I deserved, and I felt strong enough to confess to others about a variety of things. I became closer to some people, but I can't say in all honesty that I consider a great deal of them true friends. The thought of being a ghost with a name still holds water to it, even if it is minute. With this year though I had discovered a few important pieces of information that will do a lot to help me.

First, it made me realize that teenagers are not primal creatures, children are. They are in the sense that they live in the now, without much as a care on their mind and often acting irrationally. Parents and other adult figures are there to make sure that they don't get hurt by doing so and by doing so they start to bring to them a safer line of thinking. As you pass through puberty, your inner nature becomes stronger while the more "mature" mindset starts to seep in by itself rather than by some outside force. Both encounter each other and the clash of those mentalities forms the mind that you take for adulthood. It's not wrong for a teenager to do the things they do, being young is fine to be aloof and brash at times. It's a time to let your spirit experience some sense of freedom. While precocity has its advantages, it shouldn't impede you to do the things that your age is meant to do. It should simply add another perspective and make you more suitable for gaining knowledge, finding interests and adding to your passion.

Second, it proved my idea right that the way others act is just a part of a larger charade. It delights the contrarian in me to see their facade broken down, but seeing the remains elicits nothing but empathy. For the joy that this confirmation brings is minimal compared to how it relates to how I've felt. For some, they might continue to remain as counter-cultural as possible upon finding this, and I wouldn't blame them. When everyone seems to have a good time and you don't, you don't bother to think who else might not have a good time too. And with the way that people don't like to wear their emotions on their sleeves but rather cover them with a jacket, it's no wonder that you don't believe them. It's often rare to find those little things that everyone can relate to, and its even rarer to have that click in your mind when you think in a different way. Even though I can believe that it's possible, it becomes a lot harder for me to fully accept it.

Third, I saw more how people looked at me. I could still call myself a ghost with a name, but I could also see that I had some moderate popularity. At least for someone who could be classified more as a loner. I was able to hang out with other people and talk them in a more casual form. I allowed myself to share some thoughts which I didn't bother to share with anyone before because I saw no need for it. Perhaps in a way I succumbed to the idea of depending on the kindness of strangers, only in this case it would be strangers whose faces I've seen for six years. Then again I had nothing to lose, it was my last year. What would it matter if I said these things to people, it wouldn't have any grand impact. I knew that this chapter was going to close, but I knew that I could write the ending differently. By doing so, I think I made sure that I didn't have any true regrets. Those previous regrets were at the cause of not knowing any better. How could I fix them if I couldn't figure out what to do in the time? This time, I knew how it worked and I couldn't let the opportunity pass me.

Saying all of this doesn't really change how I feel about the end of the year. After being dealt such a terrible hand, it was hard for me to convert it into an absolute jackpot. I really am just glad that this is all over. I'm tired of having to deal with all those conflicting emotions and I'm fine with now having them clarified and enacting on them before it would be too late. I'll know who will be alongside me, who will be true to me by the test of time. I don't worry so much if I have a large group behind me or some single soul cheering me on. I just know that when it comes I'll make sure to return the sentiment. It would be foolish to ask for others their thoughts. Foolish and egotistical. But if I have to still remain as a ghost with a name, at least I can be happy knowing I have a name.

An Interview With John Zobele aka Bye-Product aka chris†††

For a while, I've been following the work of John Zobele under the aliases Bye-Product and chris†††. His music is ripe with experimentation and is probably the reason I got so into the genre of vaporwave. Figuring it was high time I would prod the mind of yet another music-maker, I went in to have a chat with him.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

I am a creative being, ever since I was very young I'd be drawing or doodling something. In 2007 I got my hands on my dad's old camera and thus sprout my love of film, which has kept up with me to now, being in film school. Music I started making in 2009 after my history teacher was telling me about music programs. Ever since I've changed set ups and styles to a point, but ever since the beginning I've been sampling. Since the only training i had was 4 years of piano lessons, the only thing that really stuck was the ability to read sheet music. I' ve used that mostly in my last 3 Bye-Product albums, to take other songs tones and beats to compose a new piece. As for chris†††, its a combination of nostalgia and finding that perfect sample to loop.

So you've been very involved in music for most of your life. What kinds of music seemed to pull you in the most?

Classical. The loud, the huge, the magnificent orchestra. Something in it is just unbelievable comforting yet cold about it.

How about musical artists? Who would you say has had more of an impact in the way you go about your music-making?

In the early days I'd say Kraftwerk, Genesis/Peter Gabriel, and disco/80s pop tracks my mom had in the car. When I got into sampling stuff, I drew alot from Prefuse 73, that one JDilla album, The Avalanches,  and Mylo's Destroy Rock N' Roll. Now I draw from inspiration from the field, VHS Head, opn, Mr. Oizo, and a slue of small time online artists like DR777, blank banshee, MrSimon, and vaervaf.

What is usually your process for creating a new song/album/EP?

It used to be something like clockwork, id get on the computer and mix and mach till I find something that works. now its a little more meticulous to find the perfect sample for a track or a "theme" for an album.

I notice that you call yourself differently when it comes to certain styles of music, such as Bye-Product and chris††† Why is that?

To differentiate the sound. Also not to have too many from one artist at a time. I used to do ALOT MORE stuff and release it closer together. I've learned that people just get annoyed with that and they also can get confused.

Ah, I always thought it was just some sort of fad among electronic musicians. No offense.

Naa, its really a way to release more stuff without having to stay to one genre and to not annoy people.

As Bye-Product, I find myself fascinated by a few of your works and I'd like to start with your Biohazard EP. What was that all about?

I can't remember after I finished my 3rd album I had some tracks left over, that was that.

I'll say this, any the albums/EPs past Dad's Camera, are all old news. I made a change to what I am now with Star. As Bye-Product is concerned, that's what I've been trying to focus on.

So I guess asking you about Religion or the Chapter albums would be out of the question?

Religion was an attempt at a conceptual album. and the chapter series is probably the best thing to come out of that era of my music. They were a little experiment with short form pieces/ mini albums.

Were you trying to make some sort of statement against religion in Religion or was that just making fun of it for the sake of it?

Both. that was a "different time in my life" sorta like the people with fedoras and shit are like now. That sorta time. I grew up a bit since then.

In what way?

I was raw. I was mad. I grew up. I forgave. Shit I'd rather not get into. It's all in the past.

I won't press on. Would you care to tell me more about what you liked about the Chapter albums?

It seemed to be the only thing I had made up to that time that felt cohesive to me.

Was the order of Life, Death and Love intentionally or simply random?

I was going to do 4. But I felt not to push it. It was kinda intentional I guess?

Alright, moving on to chris†††, what first got you to wanting to pursue that route?

I heard of it all over Tumblr I checked out that one mac+ album and felt it was kinda like what I used to do with my old music. So I decided to make another alias. It was really mostly for nostalgia

What made you want to call yourself chris††† to create vaporwave?

This was right around when the new pope was named. I just thought it be cool.

Do you enjoy yourself more as christtt than with the other aliases?

Meh

What's your thought process when it comes to making titles for your albums?

That usually comes right after the artwork is made which is the first thing I do. Album artwork for me is almost as big as the music itself. The album names are based on the covers and the music is based on the name, usually.

Which albums as chris††† do you find yourself more connected to?

7 years later and new wounds.

Why?

There was thought and love that went into those two. 7yl was more so a album that was hard for me to make. Alot of it is indirectly related to my life over the past 7 years, soon to be 8. new wounds is also indirectly about my recent life. Stress and all that stuff have had a toll on me. Most of it is representative on things that have happened in the past 2 years in college.

Would you care to give a few examples?

Track 9 in 7 years later is about still trying to cope with death.
Track 5 in new wounds is about a new wound has been made where something once was.

 How do you feel about your older work as chris††† like 266, WAV and frasierwave?

I love how frasierwave came out as a vaporwave album. 266/wav I felt were ok. Embrace was just a one time album. As for 7yl, new wounds and forgotten, I wanted to push forward with the vaporwave concept but break away from that sound.

I too found myself liking frasierwave. What inspired you to use that theme?

I love Frasier, he is on the complete other side of Seinfeld which alot of people use for their albums. I thought it be a good idea

How do you feel about vaporwave as a genre, in terms of what it can convey, the methods behind it and the community? Which artists do you find yourself more intruiged by in that genre?

I like vaporwave, hell I'm head of a  label that hosts a bunch of vaporwave artists, I'm not sure what others might want to convey with their music but there is definitely alot you can do with it. In my opinion, I feel as if it slowly loosing momentum with the similarity of sound and the less effort that seems to go into it, I cant say my vaporwave music is all that grand either. As for artists I'd say Delta Topco, Macross 82-99 and Childhood are some of my favorites and I'd like to see more from them.

I see. What are your thoughts on the music industry?

It's shit really. Lately the best music has been out of small outlets online.

Is there anyone in particular you're not very fond of or is it just a general feeling towards how it functions?

General. The loops you have to go through to get anywhere are insane.

Now I'm gonna get to some less music-related questions. What films do you like?

I can't really say. I like comedies, dramas, dramadies, yeah IDK. I don't like horror or that sorta stuff. You'd think as a film student I'd know this by now. I like feeling. I wanna feel something. Tonight before this I was watching a VHS of Edward Sciccorhands. I was tearing up by the end, and I've seen the film hundreds of times.

How about TV shows? Could be the regular stuff or cartoons/anime, whatever suits you.

Don't watch too much TV, just usually comedies and cartoons. I just watch TV  for a quick laugh.

What other projects do you have in store or that you'd like to get out more to people?

rrrecycle bin. It's an online art gallery.  http://rrrb.in  ///  gif films. It's my video editing 'company', I'd like to make more music videos and such for people.  http://giffilms.us

What other hobbies do you have?

Art, music, film...that's about it. Oh and web/graphic design.

In conclusion, is there anything you want to talk more about or end on?

I don't know. I'd like to say thanks for your time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Check out some of his work here:

chris†††

Bye-Product

Business Casual 87'

This was a bad idea

52 blogs in one year? When I have a whole shitload of crap to deal with? Hell no man. It's not a matter of being non-committal to these matters, but I have way too much shit to deal with. No, just fucking no. I'll do the ones that I can, but I'm not going to impose silly little goals like these unless I'm capable of them. I'm sorry. I fucked up here. Fuck. FUCK

Man Of The Year Review

The look cues the goofy music, but the face cues the inspirational music.

There's a part of our mind that is hardwired to believe that no matter how bad a film can be, the fact that one actor that we really like is there will at least make it worthwhile. This is a part of our mind that causes many DVDs to be purchased at a pharmacy or dollar store. It is also a part of our mind that allows us to become more informed of those we enjoy as entertainers, letting us know how talented they are as well as how their careers stand. Simply put, I watched Man Of The Year because of Robin Williams. Robin Williams is probably the most prominent comedian that resides in that "they can do no wrong" section of my conscience, next to George Carlin and Bill Murray. Robin Williams shares quite a lot of great factors with Jim Carrey. Both are filled to the brim with energy, can do well in serious roles and do some fantastic improv when given the chance. Their film careers on the other hand show a very different path. Carrey has made a considerable effort to avoid terrible roles (though that's not to say he hasn't gotten into some stinkers) and has mostly made a comfortable home in dramatic work. Unfortunately for Williams, he has had his hand in some harshly panned productions and switches from the two theater masks constantly (especially when you compare him to Carrey). So basically what I'm trying to say here is that I don't think Man Of The Year was a good film.

That's not to say that I didn't enjoy myself with the film, but it was a different kind of enjoyment that I get from a film that I don't consider good. Rather than being raucous and soaked in mockery of the very thing I was watching, it was mild and basic enough to at least consider it my money's worth. As satisfactory as that might be, this comes across as bizarre. For me to see a film that has Lewis Black, Robin Williams and Christopher Walken sharing the screen together along with being a political satire and the best thing going across my mind is "I guess I don't need to get my looney back" does not compute very well. It also doesn't help that I recalled more moments of laughter than I did awkward silence or aggressive criticism. It's almost as if my brain is well aware that there is more beyond these aspects but it doesn't want to dive further deeper into them. Instead, it just wants to accept it had a good time, in the same way that getting caught kissing your pillow isn't the most awkward thing to happen to the person that came in. But I'm not going to let my bias take hold, at least not in this case.

But what exactly is Man Of The Year about? At first thought, you imagine a film that revolves around TIME magazine's pick for the most important person on the planet. The one that makes the biggest change, engrained in the consciousness of many. By the title and the titular actor alone, I'd imagine Robin Williams playing a hobo who looks at the current Man of the Year's picture on a newsstand and decides that he will one day be on the magazine, later going on a series of wacky hijinks all the while learning about following your dreams and helping others. Y'know, the sort of saccharine schmultz that you can totally see him excelling in. The actual story isn't close, but it is noteworthy enough to be one hell of a cigar. Williams plays Tom Dobbs, a comedian who loves to rip on the American political system. Many people adore the guy, so much so that when he makes a joke about running for president, the audience cheers for him. Slowly but surely, support builds up and Tom figures that he might as well give it a shot. For his presidential campaign, he is backed up by his manager Jack Menken (Walken), and one of his greatest comedy writers Eddie Langston (Black), who notice that when he talks serious politics, he tends to not bring the same spark to him. The two of them suggest to Dobbs that in the presidential debate, he should be more of himself and bring the people what they want from him. At first, Dobbs takes reluctance to the idea, but eventually decides to make the event a complete farce by being brutally honest with his jokes. Due to his stunt, he becomes incredibly recognized in the public and on the night of the elections, he becomes the first comedian to be elected president.

To be fair, his had confetti and balloons.

As far as concepts go, that alone is scoring some major points. Not only is the idea of a comedian being elected a president able to showcase their abilities to outrageous degrees, but the material that you can suck out of it is plentiful that it could fill up it's own genre. Not only would have the reaction of the comedian realizing he's in high office, but also you'd have citizens who find themselves pissed off by being the laughingstock of the world and other countries looking at each other in utter confusion. It would be as ludicrous as a bus driver being the president because the last one's spirit came to him as a bird and told him he was the rightful successor. That alone would make it, and Man Of The Year does work with it. For one, Robin does what he does best, especially in the scene where he tears down the facades of the two other candidates. He plays paintball while the Secret Service is watching by, wears a George Washington wig and outfit when addressing Congress and even makes Saturday Night Live worth viewing. Of course there's also Lewis making his usual wisecracks and Christopher Walken has some of his patented moments thrown in for good measure. The thing is though that Man Of The Year isn't just about Dobbs and his crew painting the White House polka dots (which is one serious missed opportunity right there), it's also about elections being rigged.

Yes, in a Robin Williams comedy, there is a serious subplot involving an electronic voting system error. See, there's this woman who works for a company called Delacroy. Delacroy is in charge of the recent election and has already put the machines out. The woman finds out though that an error is causing the wrong person to be elected and immediately informs the company. Rather than fix it immediately as secretly as possible, the president decides to ignore it because if they try to correct it now, their stock will plummet and they want more money. Now, I will give it credit that the film having Dobbs not truly be elected into office is a good movie. Not only in the realistic aspect,  but because it gives him a conflict. No, the issue would moreso be that they try to create a villain out of this. It's the kind of weird that doesn't benefit the movie, because it's not working as a punchline. It doesn't even work as a bizarrely serious aspect either because it doesn't carry much poignancy to it. Some elections end up with the wrong results, but usually it involves another party trying to weasel their way to the top or lack of voter interest, not a company that wants their electronic system to be used in all the elections to reap a huge profit. It could possibly work if there was more depth to those characters, but needless to say there isn't much else to it. And it doesn't get any better I'm afraid.

Pictured above: Man Of The Year not getting any better

For starters, I consider myself a very ticklish person. By that I mean that practically anything makes me laugh. A well executed, incredibly sophisticated series of witty remarks could very much evoke the same amount of tear-jerking chuckles that a person falling down the stairs whilst farting as their body hits the next step. That makes it very hard for me to convince others that I don't like Seltzerberg films that I'm forced to watch, because they can still hear the ringing of my cackling from before, but I have the ability to recognize when what I laughed at was good comedy and when it was bad. In Man Of The Year, I'd have to say that for every hit, there was at least two misses. That wouldn't be too bad if the jokes were being fired at you from every corner, but you have to remember that satire does not automatically mean comedy. If it did, then reading 1984 at the Apollo theater would not be met with excessive booing. It's a shame because when it hits, it hits well. Robin Williams goes on and on in the political debate, he really was on fire. A lot of the comments, while simple when it comes to ripping on the system, had a genuine sense of cleverness, effort and good intentions. Furthermore, the comedy of the film was at least giving off the feeling that it was trying to say something beyond the goofy tones. It was blunt, but it was the kind of blunt that was trying to break down a wall. Like I said, there was that sense that it was pushing as hard as it could, and I have to commend it for doing the best it could. Especially considering that it was a political satire taking place smack dab in the middle of 2006, which focused much less on making fun of Dubya and more on critical issues that had been plaguing the system before and during the Bush administration.

Unfortunately though, as great as political satire can be and as much as I love it, it doesn't mean that it will be good. If I was convinced Man Of The Year was good, I would have compared it to Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert from the get-go. But when the jokes had soul they had no punch to them, and when they had a punch to them they had no soul. That political debate I was talking about earlier was a good example of this, because the good jokes weren't saying anything bold beyond "this system is screwed up". I know that the basis of political comedy revolves around that principle, but there's also always another matter tied to it, there's always something beyond that single point. At the very least it might say that a certain part of the system is screwed up or they say the same thing with a sillier comparison. It didn't take many chances either, since it constantly tried to restrict itself. Every actor that I mentioned gave it their half. They weren't showing signs of struggling, but you know that what you're seeing isn't them at their best. Lewis Black should have been clocking 100 swears in under a minute, Walken should have had more of his speech mannerisms coming through and Robin Williams should have been bouncing off the walls. To it's defense, maybe having all three go to their full selves might have made too much of a clutter, but a film trying to juggle comedy with a conspiracy drama isn't any neater, though I get to that later. Even with the chances it tries to take, it limits them substantially. There's more time spent on Dobbs taking his presidential campaign seriously than there is time where Dobbs is making fun of the way politics is being run. Rather than have Dobbs muck about in the White House and push some bold or insane legislation, he's mucking about as the President-Elect. Oh yeah, I forgot to clarify, he's not the president in the film, he's the president-elect. With that simple detail, buckets upon buckets of potential have been thrown down the drain, crippling what could have been an absolute masterpiece. This alone could have been the biggest sin that the film could have committed, but one thing makes it worse.

Remember that woman that I mentioned above? The one that I didn't even dignify with the name of the character or the actress? She's the love interest in the film. For a while I had found unnecessary love interests to be harmless for the most part. They were sometimes stupid, but they were the kind of stupid that I could at least laugh at. This one on the other hand was one that made my teeth grind so many times that I can bite into an apple like it was butter. It was bad enough that there was this film trying to be something it shouldn't have been, a drama. But then there had to be a romantic relationship. It was so incredibly pointless to the plot and it was awkwardly shoehorned to give it some semblance of heart. Which turned out to be like performing surgery on a healthy person and replacing the heart with a rock. She honestly did feel like a rock, just kind of there, and occasionally catching the attention of someone because she came right out of nowhere. There wasn't anything she really added, and on top of that, she wasn't good enough as an actress to pull me into anything she said. Worse off, it's because of her that the unnecessary drama came along to ruin a film that had one hell of a chance as a stupendous comedy. And it's not as if the drama was working well enough with the comedy that you could at the very least excuse the shift in tone, no, it felt like two different movies were being played, and not in the hilariously awkward way where they're on at the same time, more in the gratingly annoying way of one movie going on for a while, stopping and then the other one goes by.

"If I do a Bill Clinton impression, will that cheer you up?"

Man Of The Year is about as mixed a movie as you can get. It's wasted potential combined with half-hearted performances from big names that has a great deal of faults that somehow can find themselves to be overlooked by the mere fact that one has incredibly low expectations that are exceeded substantially. If you have a comedian becoming the president of the US because of an election error, you don't focus more of the film on the comedian accepting that they might not be the real president, you have the comedian engage in tons of shenanigans. Much less if you have Robin Williams as said comedian because you miss out on some hilarious opportunities...or at the very least a few cute gags revolving around some of the previous work he's done (I would have been set with Genie's face being chiseled into Mount Rushmore). With that said, it still could have worked as a comedy-drama, provided both of those sides be evenly dispersed or sewn together properly. And at times, that actually did occur and it worked pretty well. But when you look at the film from a distance, it can't hold itself without tipping over. It never falls and crashes, but it's not something that anyone wants to go near to either. To say I was disappointed would depend on the ways I saw it. As a film that I saw simply because it had an actor I liked, it did enough and maybe went a little beyond in my eyes. As a film that when stripped down to concepts and ideas that could have been played around with, there wasn't enough experimentation or energy as I would have hoped.

5 Commonly Used Tropes That I Don't Understand At All

Tropes are something. They're elements in a multitude of different medias that for one reason or another, have been able to spread out for long periods of times. They're factors that help to create the structure of a story and allow you to relate better to the material or give it a sense of logic. es, tropes are a vital part of this world, and it would be incredibly hard not to find something that falls under one of these ideas. But have you ever stopped to think about why the trope exists? Why is the anvil the most commonly dropped object on cartoons' heads? Why are ancient Egyptians usually the same color of skin when there are debates about what race they really are? Sure, a few searches may answer some of the questions, but you can still feel like it won't click with you the right way. You'll still be sitting there, watching the same sort of thing happen without comprehension. These tropes basically make me feel that way. Now, I want to make it clear that just because I don't understand these tropes, it doesn't mean that I'm necessarily against them. They just don't seem to click, that's all. Without further ado, let's get it started.

5. The nosebleed of arousal

There isn't many other places outside of Japanese entertainment where you see it, but it's still something that I feel should be said. The scenario goes that an incredibly attractive woman is near a dude and immediately the poor guy's leaking red from his nostrils. It doesn't matter if she was leading the guy on for some dirty business or if she merely crossed his path without her noticing, the blood immediately drips out. My first guess was that it might be a cultural aspect, much like how the ancient Egyptians believed that the heart was the brain. Perhaps the nose was a sexual organ and in order to show excitement, a bit of blood had to come out. But if that's the case, then why isn't there more women that have a nosebleed when a guy with a rockin' bod comes by? I rarely find the inverse occurring, and it's not like anime ladies are being deprived of sexy men. The only other option I could think of was that it was a means to sneak past censors and now has become a softer way to imply it. You know, like if you wanted to sneak a dirty joke, you make a kid nosebleed when he sees his hot teacher. That in mind, there's probably a lot more creative and clever ways that the animators can imply sexual undertones, and most of the nosebleeds I've seen usually take place in material that is not meant to be so family friendly. For all I know, it could just be a running gag with unknown origins that continues to be used just for the sake of it.

4. The owl is the wisest animal

I'm just gonna shoot this down right now, I know that the probable origins of this occurring stem from religion or mythology, but I still think it doesn't work. Okay, it does work, but that's more of a matter of the design taking a good deal of liberties to make the owl look wise, not the owl itself having much of a wise look to them. Owls can be a variety of different characters as far as I know. They can be quirky little buggers on account of their rotating heads and adorable bug-eyes. They can be pretentious bastards with their smug visage and bizarre walk. And they can be menacing creatures when they look upon you with a disgusted glare and let out their spine-tingling call. At best, the owl can look old, but it's never wise. I don't think to myself, "You know, that owl has probably seen some crazy shit". If anything, I usually think, "Man, that owl is doing some crazy shit." Personally, the turtle is a wiser animal to me. They're slow, sure, but they seem to be very aware of their surroundings, considering they can live up to 100 years. Considering that wisdom isn't necessarily relative to age, another pick would be the wolf. They might be more wild, but they carry themselves with a good amount of pride and balance their attributes accordingly. Maybe I'm not the best source for which animals embody which attributes. I mean I think moths are adorable and butterflies are harbingers of doom.

3. Aliens love high-culture

As far as we know, it is possible that there is other life out there. The chances of us meeting that life or understanding that life may be incredibly small right now, especially in our lifetime, but it is possible that those aliens might act similarly to us. It's also possible that these aliens might be smarter than us since we might believe that they could come to us with their UFOs or whatnot. Thanks to Star Trek, we also might believe that they will have more of an affinity towards literature like Shakespeare or Moliere. Far be it from me to trash talk this trope because I find the verbose extraterrestrial to be a very awesome trope. The thing is that what makes us so sure that the alien will look upon the work that we consider to be the cream of the crop and consider it valuable to us? It's very much possible that aliens might look upon the more common material to better understand humans than those a specific elite choose. I could imagine that later on they might decide to go with some high class work, but I don't think all of them would do it, especially from the get-go. Besides intelligence doesn't necessarily have to equate to having a good understanding of high culture. It could very much well be just culture itself. Not only that, but it's also possible that they're more the "point-and-shoot" kind of aliens. No harm in these sorts of speculations, as far as we know, we're all right and wrong about alien life.

2. The French are cowardly

Something tells me that at some point in time, the French were the laughingstock of the world, kind of like how the US is. Most of it consisted of them being snobby egotistical jerks or how much they loved Jerry Lewis. One of the widely used jabs that came along at the time must have been that those funky-smelling, beret-wearing baguette-eaters will run at the mere sight of trouble. Now, I'm not the king of France because I still have my head attached to my body, but I think that they can actually be pretty courageous. I'm going to assume that this stereotype had come around the second World War where Paris fell down faster than you could say Jean Luc-Godard. Considering that France at the time was a huge military power, they were probably expecting a little more of a fight. One has to remember that Germany was dominating with their blitzkriegs, catching a great deal of nations by surprise. And might I remind you that France was and still is one of the biggest names in war. They've fought in 168 wars, 109 of which they've won. Couple that with the fact that a lot of military words are derived from the French along with how incredibly ballsy some of the French are when it comes to doing things for the sake of art (Man On Wire proves my point significantly because anyone who has the balls to walk on a wire between the Twin Towers wins points for their nation) or when they're really upset. Hell, even when Vichy came along, the French weren't simply sitting on their asses heiling Hitler. Some of them went to fight with the resistance, which if you can tell, is a word derived from the French. That's gotta be something to at the very least recognize. I wouldn't be surprised if the main reason that American-French relations are tricky stem from the belittling of their successes. Or maybe it could be that whole Bush thing.

1.  Black people love watermelons

Look, I'm very much aware that this is an obvious pick, and I know I'm not the only one to point this out, but as far as stereotypes go, this is the most baffling for me. The other stereotypes, as offensive as they are, make some sense (though I think fried chicken is more universally loved rather than being a specific race's choice of cuisine). This on the other hand seems like a non-sequitur meant to offend someone. Granted, the French stereotype is probably equally as insulting, but at least you can say that the army doesn't reflect how the people themselves would act. With this, you're just throwing a random object, and trying to attribute it to a group of people with a negative connotation. Nothing really indicates to me that black people are incredibly fond of the fruit, and when I see it, it's usually done ironically to make fun of such a ludicrous stereotype. But much like I don't know much about the French, I can't be so certain that I know the black man's preference. Still, it will not make sense to me, nor will it ever make sense to me, no matter how hard you try. It might make me laugh, sure, but I'll only laugh because it's so random, not because I find that sort of racist humor particularly funny.

How About That Resolution?

I don't know if I should count this as one of the 52 (make that 51) that I promised I would do, but for the sake of convenience I will. And yes it is my convenience because a self-imposed goal has self-imposed rules that can be bent if self-imposed. This might change in the future if all of a sudden I'm writing like mad and I zip past the blog limit. Though if that were to happen, I suppose I would have a creative piece done as well. I guess it's better to just call this an update. This update is to inform you on a few matters. Mainly that since I'm writing for other places and I'm creating some more "original" content on those sites, in a way I'm fulfilling the amount of blogs I want to make, but just not doing it here. The idea is that I have 52 or more entries that I consider worthy of calling an entry. You can see why I would be skeptical of calling this one an entry. The other thing is that I have life to attend to. Now, I haven't been bugged around by life too much. It'll occasionally tap my shoulder and ask me for something, and I'll do it, but it won't hassle me. Life this time though is deciding to drag me by the hairs and do things. Coupled with previous issues that I've said have restricted the number of blogs on here, I'm basically in a worse situation than I was before. It's making me think that making this resolution was a factor of bad timing. While it may seem that way, I think the best way to look at it is that the start of the year will be slow, but the train will come chugging forward at full speed later on. That's hoping it still wants to chug. I still want to do this resolution and I want to make sure I have content enough to satisfy you as a reader and to satisfy myself. Plus, I figure I should go through with it.

...

Boy, this seems a bit short for a blog entry. I might as well think of something to do...OH! Since I know that you guys would be willing to help me on my quest to accomplish my resolution, would you be willing to ask me anything and have me answer it for kicks? Wait, no, this isn't Tumblr. Plus, asking for questions is usually a sign that you're incredibly bored...shit, what else could I do...uh...here's a few pictures I made over the years.

Blacula's Charm

Blackfaisier

Kornheiser News 1

Kornheiser News 2

Kornheiser News 3 (Or Faux News As Usual)

C+A+DUCKFACE

Okay...that's a few things I got to keep you going. I guess I can also show you this cover for a story. Considering everything I've just told you I'm not sure when it'll come out, but I have ideas for it. Yes I do.