An Interview With Imaperson

Imaperson. A username of such sheer simplicity for a pooper with such an intricate style. He has over 8000 subscribers and is known for his "hardcore" style of pooping, which relies on fast-paced editing, lots of ear-rape, collage clusters and rock and roll music. His most notable video is SUPER DUPER SUPER MEN, which showcases his running gag of Dog Fashion Disco's Silent Film "dun da dun" along with the neck-moving guy. Imaperson often uses ManWith10Toes, Looney Tunes cartoons, One Stormy Night, CD-I, and Aladdin (along with more) in his videos, and has also had part with the "Don't forget your umbrella" and "Aladdin raising his eyebrows quickly" running gags as well. Recently I trekked through the snow fields to the other side of the Great White North to get in touch with Mr. Imaperson.


First off, tell me a bit about yourself...

I am currently 21 years old and residing in Canada. I've been spending most of my life with music, acting, and writing. I recently graduated from a 2 year course in Film (on and off screen) and have been working towards pursuing it as a career lately.

What got you into YTP?

My brother and I had gotten into Angry Video Game Nerd at the time around 2007, and I remember I wanted to watch any video I could find from him. I searched "AVGN", kept scrolling through videos and eventually came across something I've never seen before. The video is called "YouTube Poop: AVGN SAVES THE WORLD"



I really enjoyed the concept of taking material and basically messing about with it, so it got me into making my own. I only intended on making a few and leaving it at that, as I wasn't too big on YTP to spend much time on it. As the next year arrived, I remember coming across a video that completely had me on the floor laughing. The video is called "ROBOTNIK EATS HIS OWN VAGINA"



I've never seen anything like it at the time and I found myself enjoying the more absurd, spastic style of poop. This is what got me into making YTP fully, as I was developing my own style from there throughout the years into what I am today! What also got me into YTP was just the collective creativeness of what the community had to offer. I definitely wanted to stick around for that.

Who would you say are your inspirations for making YTP?

MeiAIDS definitely played a big part in inspiring me. Others that vastly inspired me along the way were YTPSource (known as TheChutley now), Mr. Tennek, MasterGwonam, JakeSteel0121, SkyGuy16, deckman92, TimAJH, rapskallionxyz, passstrengthnull and SergeantBacon. I still enjoy them to this day! Even then, I have even more inspirations for making YTP from poopers like Avojaifnot, HaHaHound, Revfirst, Stuart K Reilly and just much more. Poopers who make me laugh or impress me with their videos are pretty much my inspiration. A good person as a whole helps a lot, too.

How do you usually go about making a YTP?

If I have an idea for a YTP, I base it off of a single source I've been enjoying a lot when I start off. As I move on with that source, I find another source that I feel has a good transistion/flow to it. That way, I can gather a lot of different sources together. As for all the music that goes into one, that all comes from "feeling" as well. It always depends on what is actually happening in a segment, like metal playing over a distorted spastic scene and so forth. The intention I have when I go about making a YTP is to make it like an experimental song of some sort, such as going through different emotions.

What things do you like seeing in a YTP and what don't you like to see?

The key thing I like to see in a YTP is fun. I like seeing how creative it can be, and getting a lot out of it that induces a need for multiple viewings. There's not much I don't like to see in a YTP because I find myself enjoying low-quality humor and horrible execution as much as I do the opposite of those. If there's anything I'm not too fond of, it's the sense of redundancy being used incorrectly like too much of a running gag and just unspired usage of sources that could have much more potential (this is why I'm embarassed to even watch through the second half of my own video, "SUPER DUPER SUPER MEN"!!!)

How do you view yourself in the YTP community?

I feel grateful to even be where I am in the YTP community. I've always been making YTPs for myself and not what everyone would like to see me do. With that, I get a lot of satisfaction of people even enjoying my videos, being inspired and creating their own works! I view myself as "accomplished" in the community in the sense that I'm still doing what I love to do, and more importantly, helping others along the way and having a grand time! I never thought I'd be one of the poopers who would end up  influencing others and even being called things like "incredible" and "legendary" and the like...let alone with doing something on the side compared to big projects like writing and music I have been working on. I'm very thankful for all of this, and it makes me happy.

Which YTP are you most proud of?



Even though I just released it, I am the most proud of "VIVIAN LISTENS TO RED WHILE FUCKSTONE LOSES HIS HEAD". That video I felt like I had the most fun and creativity with. It was also one of the only videos where I felt extremely exhilarated during its production, even in times of depression. I went through a lot of emotions while making this, and I think it shows. I even had a pretty serious and bizarre moment in this poop. The day when I was working on this one section with Colin and Mei - http://www.youtube.c...F8X6M#t=6m40sec - was also on the day my cousin passed away too young from cancer. So I had this weird uplifting/comedic feeling - can't take it too seriously with Colin missing half of his limbs flying around screaming "NICE PANTS!!!!" - that I had implemented during that moment. So with this whole video, I feel like I had the best sense of where I was and what I was doing with it. I'm proud with the final result.

Another video that comes very close to this is "The Ultimate Hoip Of Hoips: Fern's Christmas Party", which was also very fun to make the whole way through. Other YTPs of mine that I consider to be my favorites are "GASTON GETS CHUTLEY DISEASE", "Mei Goes For a Super Duper Wacky Horny Laddie Men Walk 2", "SUPER HORNY LADDIE 3", and "MIKEWITH10ERICS".

What YTPs do you consider your favorites?

"Orel Puppington Sings The No Children Song That Ends The Church" by avojaifnot
"JOSH TRANSCENDS MORTALITY" by PresidentOfJelybeans
"JAWSUS (THERE IS NO TIME)" by MasterGwonam
"Kuromi注意 No.-6031 SIMPLY Dr. Robotnik" by rapskallionxyz
"ALADIN BREAKS HIS SUPERFINGER" by deckman92
"SHANA EATS A BLACK DUCK" by CommanderGwonam
"THE KING GOES PERMANENTLY BLIND IN ONE EYE" by JakeSteel0121
"Mrs. Bucket sexually harasses anthropomorphic animals" by MeiAIDS
"ROBOTNIK CONTRACTS AN STD" by Domorato
"DRACULA HAS NO TIME FOR RAPE" by Homepike
"Frollo goes to Hell, Michigan" by Whelt
"PUT THE BOOK DOWN!!!!!!! PART 9: THE SPINOFF" by TheChutley
"U.R. Ruud" by SkyGuy16
"Dr. Wily is a Filthy Old Man" by TimAJH
"Zack Talks About His Scrotum" by Drasdic
"INSECT RABBIT TEACHES MR. JONES THE JOYS OF MICROWAVE COOKERY" by thechairman45
"Bison and the Gay Niggaloo" by RevSecond
"Shine On You Crazy Bill - Part I" - by AbsoluteBillion
"DREW AND JACOB IN THE WACO SIEGE" by Radock
"Drugs Bunny's Parental Guidance System" by Stuart K Reilly
"22@" by SergeantBacon
"Dave Mustaine's anal prolapse destroys 800 Wayne Bradys while Hitler moves the glow" by jamesdeth
"Simon's Final Confession: Simon Bakes A Goat Pie With A Hint Of Batman Grease" by DaKooperPooperALT
"Mike's Unanticipated Reality Check" by HaHaHound

What would you like to say to aspiring poopers?

Don't hold back, make sure to always have fun and don't stress out too much over it. Oh and don't be a jerk. That's important, too. Unless the opposite really does make you happy...

Before we end this, is there anything else you'd like to say?

Thank you for this wonderful interview! Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this! And thank you all of civilization that have gotten me inducted into the 1997 YTP Hall Of Fame in Moralton, Statesota.

His Tumblr

His Youtube Channel

The Pains Of Pandering

Advertisers these days are assholes. In a way, a handful of them were back in the days when consumerism began to rear its head. Multiple companies, from Coca Cola to Malboro outright lied to you about the benefits of their products. It was clear to them that they only cared about your money, and if they had to get in any way they can, they would. Nowadays, it's easier to detect marketing bullshit and flat out ignore these ads. Not only because they're absurd, idiotic or just plain deceiving, but because they're goddamn everywhere. You can't open your email without seeing at least 20 spam messages about some hocus-pocus magic pill or walk out into the street without seeing billboard upon billboard of products that probably don't need that advertising because they're already so damn huge. I'm surprised I don't see ads playing in my dreams, but you know they're going to find a way to pull that. But let's face it, we too have to advertise ourselves to the public so that we can become prominent in whatever industry we set out on. Some of us do it by the sheer skill they exert with their occupation, others know how to network and a few even just get lucky with some big hit. And in the midst of the cesspool of the usual ads, there is something that does catch your eye and makes you interested in its cause.

See, if one isn't obnoxiously cramming into your skull "BUY MY BOOK", but rather trying to ease you into checking out the book, one is more inclined to think that perhaps its worth their time. They could get it, they could not, they may like it, they may not, it's up to them what they should do. Most trailers simply just show the product and let you decide. It feels much more natural, to take that approach. Obviously, advertisers don't want a "maybe" from potential customers, they want a "Fuck yes!", and that's fine, to a certain extent. If the product itself can engage the audience enough to want to spend money on it, that's fine by me. If the product has something that I happen to enjoy, I'll go for it even more because it appeals to me. But if that product is forced to make me enjoy it, that's when we get to something called "pandering". Pandering is what   makes people look at the advertising industry and say "I hope those scumbags choke on the cocaine they snort out of their hundred dollar bills" because it not only shows their desperation for their money, but it also has taken advantage of all of us, whether we want to admit it or not.

There are certain parts of this world that are only fit for certain people. Chocolate may be loved by many, but only a few enjoy caviar. It's all dependent on your tastes. The problem that resides there is that the amount of people that like caviar aren't enough, so making a substantial profit may be tricky. One could try to raise the price of caviar, but who's to say that everyone's going to buy it at that outrageous price? So, the people who sell caviar can do two things. One, they could try to make caviar better or two, they could sell it in a container that looks like it was a chocolate bar. The latter, is a type of pandering that deceives the customer into liking it because of the way its presented to it, but in reality it has nothing to do with what you expected. Think of it as if you edited the Shining as if it was a family comedy.

Fun for the whole family!

This sort of advertising can result in two ways. The first one is that the people who were trying to sell a product didn't have an idea how to properly capture the essence of the product so they went with the closest thing that worked. When that happens, you're either delightfully surprised or very disappointed. The other one, which is more relevant to the example I gave above is that you target a different audience so that they are convinced that your product is equal or better to what they enjoy. The key difference of these two forms comes from how complex the product is. If it's a new revolutionary device that humans are not familiar with its main function, it's understandable why the ads mix you up. If it's just some silly children's toy and it's built up like it has the ability to cure cancer, that's when outrage is 100% justified.

Another instance of pandering comes from what's inside of the product. Let's suppose you bought a box of chocolates. You're happily enjoying the white chocolate, dark chocolate, the cherry filling, the one with the almonds, the one with caramel filling, and all is fine and dandy until you sink your teeth into the coconut coffee one. All of the treats looked great and the coconut coffee especially had an appealing look, but the awful mixture of flavors ruin the experience for you. That's sort of the feeling you get when this occurs. What happens is that at some moments, a film or a video game throws at you something that seems to come off as though it didn't belong. It could perhaps be referencing something modern to give the illusion that it's "relevant", it could have a character whose only purpose is to bring in an unfitting crowd or it could simply just give an incredibly subtle indication that you should buy another product by having it conveniently in front of the camera.

How the mighty have fallen...

I don't think I need to tell you that when this happens, it not only catches you off guard, it also ruins what fun you were having before. It breaks that feeling of being entranced by the action that is going on and instead takes you out of that experience. It treats you like a child, as it dangles your keys above your head so that you enjoy yourself. We don't want to be amused by the keys, we want to be amused by the ride, so give them to us so we can drive the car, damn it. Yet, in many instances, this form of pandering creeps in. Sometimes it's worked out in a way that's really subtle and doesn't linger too much on trying to draw you in, other times, it's weaved into the narrative in a way that one doesn't see it sticking out to much. Naturally this doesn't work so well with selling a soda or anything but for the previous two, it is possibly that it doesn't have to play off on its desperation.

The oldest example of pandering is the infamous "sex sells" slogan. The idea is that if you want to buy something, all you need is to rub it against a naked lady. Now, there's only thing that can truly get away with sex sells, and that's women's clothing. Everything else just plays on an animalistic instinct that could perhaps fool us to believing that we're buying something good. Some even go so far to imply that this is going to get you laid. Let me tell you something right now, chugging down beers and smelling of Axe does not get you anywhere near sexual intercourse. If anything, it scares them away. Now, I'm not too bugged by this pandering because I grew up in a country where everything literally got that treatment. It's a twisted way of being proud of our women, I suppose. That and exploiting sex for some other gain will continue to happen until time ends. Now, with that said, it's still a cheap way to get people to buy a product. In the instance of GoDaddy though, they do it in a way that plays so tongue in cheek, it becomes really grating. Not because "oh my, they're using attractive women, how sexist" but more because "oh my, they're using attractive women, how trite".

What is this, Revenge Of The Nerds 3?

As the years have gone by, "sex sells" has lost some of its powers and a lot of different trends have been capitalized to exploit the more gullible masses. Ever since the internet came to fruition, there have been pop ups galore, annoying your computer surfing experience. Ads have been plastered at every side of sites, Twitter and Facebook have been used by companies to spew out their pitches here and there and have even been the vehicle that creates all those giveaways and contests that they enjoy to do. Hell, if you want to make a few cents from your Youtube videos, Google monetization does just that by placing ads over your videos that will undoubtedly be ignored if someone has Adblock Plus. In the midst of all these ads, what really has elevated the tediousness of pandering is the internet culture itself.

Whatever thing that has gotten popular on the net has eventually been shoved down our throats excessively by others who wish to use that for their own gains. Memes are by far the worst of this as they have weaved themselves into either something that didn't need the memetic treatment or been attached to already annoying commercials and made them worse. It's not just the big dogs though, whatever video series that has been deemed really popular on the internet by advertising agents have filled stores with their merchandise for some incomprehensible reason other than the blatant one of trying to make money out of something that's huge. What's so backwards about this is that the sort of content that gets such an excessive amount of marketing usually ends up being universally loathed by a lot of people. It's almost surprising why this happens, yet it's immensely chilling to believe that these people are at the fore-front of the future of entertainment and it's ungodly insulting that there are people out there falling for it.

This is what's wrong with the world.

Look, we all want to get out image out there, that's part of who we are. It's not necessarily bad to ask others to perhaps spread your message about and it doesn't hurt that you try to do something to attract an audience.  It's only when you start to desperately cling on people and beg them to give them every single last cent that the problem arises. You make a fool out of yourself and your product. It doesn't really have to do with how much of your product you can sell though. It simply makes it less of a great experience, it perpetuates a semblance of ignorance that the public has. I'm not going to say that I've detached myself from this and that I blame all of you for this garbage that you have dumped out to the world, because part of that mess is mine. What I simply want to say is that we shouldn't fall for it, we should be calling it out. If we're going to promote something, we should try not to use those tactics and just show our product for what it is. I've seen a great deal of people that do what I've said, and I'm sure it'll carry on. Just like the ones who create this crap.

Blacula AKA Did That Nigga Just Bite Me?

Remember the seventies? I certainly don't but I know a lot of people my age who act like they think they do.  What with Dark Side Of The Moon coming out in '73, tons of great movies such as Star Wars and The Godfather and the rise of the hippie (which has now mutated into this annoying creature called a hipster) and use of marijuana being key elements of the era. The thing is that these folk tend to avoid three things in particular. The Vietnam War, disco and blaxploitation. To them, 'Nam's only interesting if you're looking at movies that are based on the horrors it brought out and disco's deader than Nixon's reputation in '74. Blaxploitation, on the other hand, is a trickier beast. It's hard to say if there is an interest or not in this genre, but if it did, it would be somewhat difficult to assemble a collection from scratch. See, it's not as readily available to us young cats as it used to be. That's not to say you can't find the popular entries, but those that are more unknown tend to be hidden underneath a bargain bin at a local video store. Notice that I said "local video store", not a fancy-smancy Blockbuster down the street. Either way, video stores are a dying breed, especially the ones run by more independent folk. I happened to stumble across the last one in my vicinity which was having a clear out sale. Looking for some interesting entertainment, I came across Blacula, an entry that is neither oblivious to the public nor widely recognized. I knew that this would be decent entertainment because it sounded ridiculous, so I took it (along with a few other DVDs) and went my merry way.

Now, one must remember that if they're going to watch a blaxploitation film, they need to be in a particular mindset to truly enjoy it. These films may contain:

- Funk and soul music

- Cheesy as hell effects and choreography

- Use of the N-word

- Erotic undertones

- Erotic overtones

- Jive talk

- Ignorant white men being taken down and/or white people becoming doormats

So if you honkeys can't handle this groove, then y'all better split now. Let's get to the down and dirty. 

"Hmm, I wonder what the blood of a negro tastes like..."

The movie starts with an African prince named Mamuwalde (played by the Z-list version of Billy D. Williams, Williams H. Marshall) and his wife Luva (played by the saucy Vonetta McGee) speaking to the vampire king himself, Count Dracula. Mamuwalde is speaking to the Count about the slave trade and how he wants him to maybe cut back on suppressing the lives of his people. You tend to notice that Mamuwalde's one sophisticated smooth-talking negro. Every word he says sounds so resonant and relaxed, you can't help but be hypnotized by what he has to say. Being that the Count is not only a blood sucking pale-faced monster and a vampire, he's not going to follow through with Mamuwalde's proposal and decides to bite him on the neck. Because that's really the only thing vampires can do, make idle chit-chat and suck your blood. He curses Mamuwalde that he will rest in one of his tombs and carry on with the Count's legacy, as the eponymous Blacula when released. As for his wife? Well she gets to cry around his locked coffin for the rest of her life until she withers away. Delightful. 

Afterwards we get some intriguing animated opening credits and we cut to 1972, where two gay interior decorators decide to take Dracula's estate and coincidentally take Blacula's coffin with them to a L.A warehouse. They talk about how gay they are because that's all gay people did in the 70s and then they open the coffin one of them wants to use as a bed for their horror themed house. I guess black is the new pink. As expected Mamuwalde (who we will now deem Blacula) attacks the two and retreats back in his coffin because what else is he gonna do after biting two interior decorators? We focus on the black interior decorator whose friends have come to see the body. His friends, Tina Williams (another role that Vonetta had in this film), her sister Michelle (oddly enough played a civil rights activist named Denise Nicholas) and Michelle's boyfriend Dr. Gordon Thomas (played by a recurring blaxploitation actor Thalmus Rasulala) are unaware that they're being spied on by Blacula. Dr. Gordon (no, not that one) stays in the room and continues to pester the curator of the tomb about the details concerning the corpse of his friend. So much so, the curator calls Gordon a "rude nigger" in a way that mirrored Geoffrey sans the dry wit. Blacula believes that Tina is a reincarnation of his wife Luva, and since he hasn't gotten his groove on since the 18th century, he decided to get in on that by following her. 

As you'd imagine, following a woman in the dark isn't really the best way to get her to think you're a nice guy so naturally she dashes like mad to her apartment dropping her purse. Of course, Blacula manages to get it and gives it to her, after biting a cab driver that ran him over and off the trail. To assure that he can win her over, he uses his normal name when introducing himself to her. With his charismatic demeanor, Tina invites Blacula over to meet up with her friends at a club. Again, you begin to notice the sheer wonder of Williams' acting as Blacula. As he talks to Tina and her friends in the club, you can just tell he's calculating carefully what he wants to say to draw her in. Luckily for Blacula, he managed to do just that. Tina just seems to be mesmerized by what he has to say, and it certainly helps that he looks like a boss nigger. As they're all having a good time and drinking champagne, a girl starts to take pictures of them. This doesn't please ol' Vlad Blacul too much because he doesn't show up on the pictures. So he tells the lady that it would be appreciated if she did not develop those pictures so that panic does not ensue amongst th-I'm just kidding, he sucks her blood and crumples one of the developed pictures so that no one will know about his secret. 

And they say that he's the monster...

Now, this is actually quite clever of the movie of having Blacula not necessarily be a monster for the sake of "Ooh, I'm a vampire!" but rather eliminating people that will obstruct his path of rekindling the love that he has for his wife. It shows that he's not letting the inner nature of maliciousness that comes with being a vampire get the better of him. If anything, he's just using his newfound abilities as a tool to get to his primary human goal of finding passion once again. It is a bit peculiar that Tina just accepts that he's a vampire once he reveals that to her, but they did have sex, so I suppose Mamuwalde's ancient experience in the love-making makes up for it.

While all of this ooey-gooey romance is happening, Dr. Gordon is investigating the death of the interior decorators using all the information he can get from the LAPD. He notices that there have been more cases of the "teeth marks inside of the neck" and "empty blood vessels" occurring around the area and notices that there's a connection. He keeps trying to investigate, trying to come to a more reasonable conclusion than "Hey, I think we're being attacked by vampires". But after realizing that his friend's corpse has disappeared, it doesn't seem that crazy after. To be sure though, he convinces his girlfriend to assist him in digging up the other interior decorator's grave. Sure enough, once they open the coffin, Cracker McGee is a vampire. Dr. Gordon shoves a stake into his heart and then realizes that he's right on the level of batshit insane these cases have been. To prove to his boss that vampires are a threat, he thaws out the corpse of the cab driver and then blasts the sun on her before either of them get attacked. His boss realizes that it's best  to guard the city at night, but Gordon needs to find who's the source of all this mayhem. Sure enough, he finds out that it's Mamuwalde. I'm not sure what gave him that idea...was it the negative that he found in the house of the lady that was attacked that showed him not being there or Mamuwalde wearing a goddamn cape? 

I think the make-up artist thought this was Night Of The Living Niggas

Dr. Gordon confronts Tina about this and gives Michelle a cross so that she can protect herself and Tina from when Blacula returns. Gordon, his boss and some cops try to go to the warehouse to confront Blacula, but surprise! Turns out that he not only moved his coffin somewhere else but also trapped them with a whole bunch of vampires. On the one hand, this is quite cruel of Blacula to just have them killed instead of finding a more diplomatic manner of making sure that he can keep his love and his life. On the other hand, Dr. Gordon just seems to kill vampires willy-nilly so it's a respectable precaution. Blacula manages to fly away and take Tina into his new lair, where eventually Dr. Gordon and the Cracker Cop Clan follow suit. Blacula disposes of each of the cops one by one as he tries to get to his coffin. Unfortunately for him, one of the cops shoots Tina instead of him, which prompts him to turn her into a vampire. This makes sense in the idea that when you become a vampire, you lose touch with your humanity, which in turn means that he sees it as difficult to maintain his relationship with her if she no longer has a grasp of the love that they have. Dr. Gordon gets to his coffin and prepares to jab a nice wooden stick into some Blacula heart. Only that's not Blacula...that's Vampire Tina. 

I'll kill a bunch of cops, but I sure as hell ain't fucking a corpse.

Heartbroken by the loss of his love, Blacula decides that the only thing he can do is drag himself up to the sunlight to kill himself, possibly reuniting himself with her in the afterlife. It ends with his rotting maggot-infested corpse, which is fitting for the horror aspect, but not so much to the actual substance of the film. I will say that it looked pretty damn real. 

Many critics seem to hate on this film because it's not scary and basically slaps the black culture into a well-known tale, but I don't think one should honestly expect chills from a film called Blacula. It may have its insertions of funk and soul, but its much less about the blaxploitation bit than it is about Mamuwalde getting back the old flame that he lost. I will admit that the relationship wasn't fleshed out enough, but I can't expect such grandure from a film with what appears to be a shoestring budget. Plus it made a considerable attempt to create an interesting human-vampire dynamic, showing that as long as a human can control themselves from the urges that comes with being a vampire, they can be very nice. At the very least, one should enjoy the 70s tint that gives way to awkward fighting and bizarre humor along with the performance of Williams Marshall. Quite honestly, it's a damn shame that he hasn't been on-screen more, aside from being the King of Cartoons. The world can never have enough of the pontificating baritone badass, and he fit that title perfectly. So I say check it out, it's certainly one of the easier blaxploitation films to find. 

The Death Of Hugo Chavez

This was a day that I knew I would come some time in my life. It was a day that I figured would mean great change for Venezuela and that it would pave the way towards progress. Now that it's here, that glimmer seems to have faded away along with the fervency of my hatred I had for the ex-president. It has been a weird 17 years slowly understanding how exactly to shape my opinion on this man. I've chirped here and there about how I don't favor him, but I've always seemed to talk about him in a light that has been more passionate and emotional. It's no surprise that this would happen though as it certainly is something that greatly impacts me as a person. Just because I no longer live there doesn't mean that I don't worry about what happens to close friends and family members. At the same time, I have learned more about what exactly it is that the man has done, and while I can't lean towards neutrality let alone like him, I can at least understand why others would. So, I'd like to tell you from all that I've read about, endured and understood, the impact that Chavez has had in his years.

Chavez was born in 1954 and joined the Military Academy in 1971. He participated in the 1992 coup d'état to overthrow Carlos Andrés Pérez. While it did not succeed and he did end up being in prison for his involvement in the coup, he had gotten vast amounts of attention for the act. Eventually, he was released and then managed to enter into the 1998 elections. As fate would have it, Chavez won. For the next 14 or so years, Chavez did much to not only stir the nation that he ruled over, but also the world itself. The man was not a quiet creature, when he made speeches, he made them loud. They were filled with intensity and ardor, drawing many people into what he had to say. Not only that, but he always spoke about a revolution that would come by and swoop them off their feet. That's what probably what made him so appealing to the poor. 

Due to the spiritualism in the nation, he's been glorified to nearly a god. Not necessarily because of his speeches, but he has somehow managed to decrease the poverty of the nation substantially from 60% in 1998 to less that 30% in 2008. This has allowed the poor to afford the bare necessities that they require, and as such, has strengthened the bond between the people and the president. Naturally, this bond that he had with the most common of folk allowed him to have more control over the country itself. It basically was the pivotal reason as to why he lasted for so long. He was a powerful televangelist, giving people enough of what they needed and barking better than his bite. This would become very apparent once he finally stood on the world stage. 

In 2006, Chavez stood in front of the UN and vehemently preached about how we must avoid American imperialism. He was a devout critic of George W. Bush, calling him the devil. Some saw him as showing himself as the true revolutionary that he was, standing up to his enemies. Others figured that he was merely a pompous, arrogant hypocrite. As time went on, it became clear that he wanted to establish himself as someone who greatly opposed the ideologies and policies that were being established in the US. He constantly shook hands with America's rivals such as Castro, Gaddafi and Ahmadinejad, strengthening the ties between their countries. Many people seemed to adore Chavez for being vocal against Bush, and various people such as Barbara Walters, Oliver Stone and Sean Penn have gone to subvert this idea that Chavez is not this nasty caricature that is portrayed in the media. I can't be so certain if it was because Chavez had made a great first impression on them or if they simply enjoy someone with an equally adamant dislike for a president that everyone and their mothers wasn't pleased with. Either way, this truly did have an impact on how others viewed Chavez. It wasn't the proper view that one should have, in my opinion, but in some fairness America still had both sides. I will say that it still is weird that I could say that I might have agreed with the right concerning the subject.

One thing that is for certain is that he has made an effort to eliminate opposing voices. Due to the 2002 coup d'état that failed to completely overthrow Chavez, he cracked down powerfully to remove any of this opposition on him. As such, he has gotten a stronger control of the judicial system so that it favors his wishes and has arrested a deal of people in political positions which he has deemed "traitors". The most prominent of his efforts to remove the other side was stopping RCTV from broadcasting. RCTV was a television channel that had been very critical of Chavez, with the occasional mockery here and there done for the sake of political satire. It had also supported the coup, mainly because they believed it was leading towards a more democratic Venezuela. Because of this, Chavez considered them fascists and had made efforts to remove them and put in their place something more appealing to his presidency. As such, on May 28th, 2007, RCTV no longer became a lingering threat, dealing a critical blow to the opposition. That in turn, doesn't signify that liberty of free speech. Without that liberty, it could be safe to say that it was turning into a dictatorship. 

While Venezuela's poverty has managed to lower, the crime rate has continued to soar, with Caracas being one of the most dangerous cities to go to. Even though I've lived there and have not had close encounters with gangs, I do recall hearing gunfire one night outside of my house and an object being hurled at one of my classrooms from afar (most likely a bullet). Not only that, but when passing through the slums in the core of the capital, one could faintly hear the sound of guns flaring off. This has shown how incompetent, corrupt and/or overwhelmed the police are, which does not shine so well to the man who has shown to be a grand change in the nation. Power outages have also reared their ugly heads, making matters even worse to strengthen his case. Perhaps the most peculiar of the problems that Venezuela does face is that the economy has not shown significant improvement with inflation nearing 30%. 

It's sad to say that some of these larger economic problems are not completely at the fault of Chavez. The country's economy is heavily petroleum-centric, as very little else is exported from such. Thus, the price of oil is what controls the economy for the most part. So when the 70s brought the price up due to a siege of OPEC ministers, prosperity arose. With all the money came in, Venezuelans managed to live the good life, being able to buy various objects of desire with veritable ease. The government was equally as frivolous with the money, spreading the wealth to the nation, but not in a way that would benefit it in the future. Arturo Uslar Pietri, a Venezuelan intellect, stated that we should "sembrar el petroleo" which basically meant that the money that we gained from petroleum should be used in investments to break from our oil dependency. Needless to say that did not happen and when the 80s brought the price down, so went Venezuela, which ultimately led to riots. Chavez could at least reference the leaders of before to make himself better suited when compared, yet his more "socialist" policies have not helped lure outside investors that could turn the economy for the better.  

To this day, I still did not like seeing the change that has come about from Chavez's reign. He may have had the key to rouse people to follow his ideas, done some effort to aid those who are struggling in the slums and  shown signs of a revolution that would turn the world around, but his faults do enough to outweigh the hope that he seemed to have promised so much. At the same time, the rage that he had brought me from his decisions has cooled down, now knowing that even before him, issues such as corruption and a failing economy were evident. I do not hold that much hope that the elections will bring forth the president that will at least make a decent effort to fix the glaring problems that face the nation, but I can only wait and see what will happen. Chavez has done a great deal to divide not only the nation that he ruled over, but those outside of Venezuela, which has served nothing more than an annoyance to have to cope with. The only word that I can think of that describes everything the president has done is polarizing. I bid you farewell, Hugo Chavez, so that a new chapter can begin in Venezuelan politics. 

Sources:

http://venezuelanalysis.com/news/6451

http://www.heritage.org/index/country/venezuela

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6215815.stm

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/03/05/world/americas/obit-venezuela-chavez/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

http://web.archive.org/web/20070526151532/http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/05/23/venezuela.tv.ap/index.html

http://www.hurriyet.com.tr/english/world/10211697.asp?scr=1

http://fair.org/take-action/media-advisories/coup-co-conspirators-as-free-speech-martyrs/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-16349118

http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/americas/venezuela/110615/venezuela-power-outages

Let's Talk About Gritty Fairy Tale Movies

Once upon a time (2010 to be exact), in a land far far away, there were these four producers (one played by Leonardo DiCaprio) that decided it would be a good idea to make a darker version of Little Red Riding Hood. It wasn't a good movie in terms of content, but it sure as hell made them rich. In fact, they made more than double their original budget. Soon others figured, why not make other fairy tales into a grittier story? If they could get such success, why couldn't they? And thus, we have begun our adventure into 2013, where gritty fairy tales seem to be popping up a little more. They were going to pop up in 2012, but due to some studio problems, we're now faced to gulping them down in a new year that's supposed to bring us hope that perhaps Hollywood isn't so tapped out of ideas. Then again, let's not be so cynical, as it is a small amount of films that seem to follow this trend. Still, let's delve a little more into this sudden concept of making these more "twisted" takes on classic stories (that oddly were kind of twisted on their own).

Based on what I can gather so far, we have about 4 gritty fairy tale movies (Red Riding Hood, Snow White and The Huntsman, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Jack The Giant Slayer) that have come about the start of this decade. Perhaps a few more, if we really want to dig deeper (honestly, I was going to say 5, but it's debatable to say if The Wizard of Oz is a fairy tale). Now, usually something that trends can't simply be counted on with your two hands, let alone one. They happen to a more exaggerated scale that ends up suffocating you with its ridiculousness. Perhaps it is quick to say that we're jumping on to the idea that this is becoming a fad. On the other hand, Hollywood has seemed to make a great deal of unorthodox concepts play themselves straight, such as making Abraham Lincoln a vampire hunter. Even though it's evident that this leaves the general consensus mixed to negative on the films, it sells. If it sells, they'll keep it going, no matter how awful it is. That's just how the business world works.

I suppose it doesn't become too much of a surprise that they would now decide to use fairy tales as the vehicle of this trend, since it is common for Hollywood to recycle concepts and package them in a new light. That doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing, a lot of the greatest works out there rely on reusing old concepts and adding on to them. Plus, fairy tales can strike a cord with the audience because they're familiar with how these tales went when they were a kid. Seeing them as an adult in a more mature light serves not only to bring them back to the past but also shed light on a theme that can impact them stronger due to them being older, wiser and more experienced. Not only that, but when one looks back at the actual stories that Disney had toned down for them when they were a child, they see that there was much less dancing and singing that took place. If anything, this darkening of the stories can serve to show the audience that they're ready to face a serious take on the tale. The only issue? That's not what's happening.

When I say that these films are gritty, they're not "brooding, cynical, depressing, disturbing" gritty, they're "dark colors, deep voice, strange imagery, maybe-action-like" gritty. That's not to say that the former and the latter are two completely different entities, there's a great deal of works out there can be both, and pull it off well. The graphic novel Watchmen, for example, manages to use the latter to accentuate the themes that revolve around the former. These movies aren't Watchmen though, they're not even close to it, they're more safe in their approach. Yes, you see these dainty, innocent characters become stone-cold killers or brave adventurers or passionate romantics, but the films don't seem to succeed in pulling that off well. One could easily blame this on performers phoning in the performance and portraying them as if all they're expecting out of this is a paycheck, but then what can be said about those who do put forth the effort and come out looking out of place? The only other aspect you could blame is the way it's presented in terms of it's aesthetics and writing for not being able to take proper advantage of the concept.

That, to me, is the biggest problem that faces these films, based on what I've seen so far. It looks edgier, but if you took away that it was a re-imagining of a fairy tale, it might as well be another mediocre fantasy epic that's trying too hard to be epic. You can see in the way that they cut everything fast, rev up the mysterious element that's vaguely there and toning the light down so it feels as though it's going to be intense. Simply giving something a coat of black paint and splattering blood all over the place doesn't immediately cause someone to feel as though what they're watching is more intriguing and risky. Not even raising the stakes to great levels can do that, because it has no substance to it. One could implement any device into a story and give the illusion that it's more that what it appears to be, but if there's no rhyme or reason it, it's basically a waste. The films don't serve to do more with the idea other than make it appear as though it's this cool, new, hip stuff that all the young kids are looking forward to. That, in the end, feels as though it's insulting the younger demographic by fooling them into thinking this is something cooler and it insults the older demographic because they see how absurd it is. There are only three ways I see this upcoming "genre" becoming something wonderful. They either focus on the darker elements of the tale (or attempt to properly add a darker tint to it), not take themselves too seriously and deliver on a better fantasy epic or make it into a dark comedy.

Like I mentioned before, some of the stories that we've heard of before are much less kid-friendly than what we have been given. The Little Mermaid doesn't end with her getting the prince and living happily ever after. It ends on her refusing to kill the prince (who ended up marrying the Sea Witch) to become a mermaid again, throwing herself to the sea, which in turn causes her to turn into foam. Add in that the potion not only made her mute, but also made her feel that every step she made was as if she was getting stabbed with sharp swords and that the prince loved seeing her dance, and you get something that's far too intense and brutal for a little kid to comprehend it's horrible magnitude, let alone read. If one were to make a more mature rendition of this tale, they would take closer note of the harsher aspects of it and be willing to sew them into the narrative properly. Now if the original fairy tale isn't that somber such as Rapunzel, then they shouldn't alter too much other than the tone. That will affect the characters, the setting, some of the progression of the story and perhaps the theme itself, but it should not alter it to a drastic degree. Rather it should stay somewhat rooted to how the story usually moves but let it move with a more desensitized and distorted fashion that usual. That allows not only for the familiarity of the story to be taken into account, but can also leave the viewer interested in how one could view it in a jaded, bitter tone.

That's easier said than done since you can't just snap your fingers and magically make sugar-plums and pixies look like something that come from the lowest levels of Hell. That requires more attention to detail, precision and careful construction. It's not impossible though, but I imagine that's not what they're looking to achieve. They want more of a grand journey sort of romp. In which case, what I recommend is simply...don't take yourself so seriously. It is well-known that no matter how bizarre a concept is, one must play it off to some level of seriousness to give credibility to the world or to become more engrossed in the film. At the same time, if someone wears a giant foam cheese hat on their head and does nothing more than pout, it will either come across as annoying or incredibly silly. One must find a certain balance of knowing how far they can take themselves seriously with the role. They also need to acknowledge the absurdity of the situation, not necessarily by winking to the audience and saying "Yeah, I know it's weird that I want to fuck a wolfman, but you know what they say about guys with furry feet", but by attempting to play on the ridiculousness from time to time and enjoying themselves. In turn, this makes the audience feel as though that even though what they're watching is ludicrous, they're willing to take it in stride and enjoy themselves.

Finally, we have the idea of just making it into a dark comedy. This is perhaps a very effective way of darkening a fairy tale because it not only allows for someone to take in the both types of gritty I mentioned before and use them both to their advantage but also creates a good semblance of what sort of tone a recreation of this sort needs. Although it's not necessarily hilarious nor conventional in its approach (hell, I'm not sure if that's what the author intended), an example that comes to me as a good way to explain how this should be pulled off is the Alice is Dead series. For those of you who don't know, it's a flash game series that turns the well-known characters from Wonderland into mercenaries. At first, it sounds very idiotic, but it's aware that it's not something that one can just simply take seriously, so it makes a lot of references to how the characters are in the story whilst also filling it in with a disturbing tone. The comedy doesn't come so much from how the characters act (well, not intentionally), but rather of the setting and how the characters come to be what they are. It manages to be serious not so much because of the mercenary aspect but rather due to it's odd approach of the tale while also weaving in this world of fantasy that we're familiar with with the world of the mercenary that we're also aware of. The two end up playing off each other as the bits of humor bring you back to a comfort zone that is then slapped away when the grimness settles in. At the end, you find yourself laughing at it slightly, but you also feel weird about laughing about it and seek to look into it more. Whilst one can play a more "make this disturbing scenario more silly" form of dark comedy, giving it a warped, surrealistic tint to the humor allows for that laughter to get them thinking about the gravity of what it occurring, making them more engaged.

It's still hard to say where this movement is going to keep marching through and whether or not it will lead anywhere good. From what I tell from the two latest ones, I'm still very mixed on the matter. Mainly because both present the two possibilities of how the concept could turn out awful. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters feels like it would fair much better if it wasn't attached with the story of Hansel and Gretel. The designs of the witches look phenomenal and the weapons have a certain badass feel to them based on their look, but they feel somewhat unfitting. This is simply due to the association of the story. We know that the basic elements of the tale are intertwined into another tale, but it doesn't mesh right. It comes off as incredibly laughable to turn these two kids who happened to let their sweet tooth get the better of them suddenly decide to go hunting witches. Not only that but the look is unsure if it wants to capture a fairy tale feel or a epic fantasy-adventure feel, so it's caught up in this unpleasant limbo.

Jack The Giant Slayer, on the other hand, isn't actually based on the Jack we usually think of. While the original tale that this film is based on is more complex than some kid who finds a bunch of beans and then climbs a beanstalk to steal from a giant, it decided that it should implement themes from it. My guess is that's it's trying to get the public to relate to it more clearly, but it comes off forced and it acts as a detriment to the whole film by stooping it to a lower level that what it wants to achieve. Excluding the fact that it shoehorns the more relatable Jack fairy tale into its story, the other problem arises in how it tries to be like other grand fantasy films. This might be more to it's advertising, but it feels like they had a checklist and they were making sure that it could properly hit those sweet spots as cliched as possible. Booming voice over? Check. Overview of landscapes as the hero traverses through them? Check. Slight comedy relief? Check. Badass retort? What do you think? Rather than become something more unique (which is what it should be), it clings to the old methods and takes the skin of better movies in the hopes that it may become what that skin represents instead of a disgusting mess. Both advertise themselves as these fantastic adventures, but all I see is a laughable time-waster. Trust me when I say that there are too many of those kinds of films these days.

In the end, if this does become a trend and more movies of this caliber do start to clog up cinemas everywhere, it would be nice to see if they could tap into its greater potential. A wise man once said that there aren't bad ideas when it comes to stories. There are only bad ways of conveying them. Even though their premises are ridiculous, with the right hands, someone could make it into a spectacular experience. By researching more into the original story, they could play up with references to it or give a more faithful rendition of it that amplifies its more macabre tones. It could also accept it's stupidity and make sure that it does enough to deliver this absurd adventure in a way that it is as insane as it it fun. Hell, if it goes that dark comedy route, it may end up as not only a good way to bring forth more avant-garde films into the scene but also provide a somewhat clever and thought-provoking experience. I don't want this to just become another quick-buck fad, nor do I want it to be just a series of misled half-assed projects. Rather, I'd like to see this bring forth tales that will live on as long as the stories they're based off on. That way, the audience can have a happily ever after instead of a "I'm going to write a long, detailed rant damning this film forever" after.

Miller Or Bust: A Case Study Of Why This Generation Sucks

There is no denying that the generation that we now face is perhaps one of the worst to have ever roamed the planet. Sure, we have cures for many diseases, people are now more tolerate to each other's differences and technological advancements are aiding to make our everyday lives better, but that doesn't excuse global warming, overpopulation and perhaps the most damaging elements to the human race...yes...something even more damaging that global warming. I'm talking about the state of pop culture today. Adolescents today are exposed to some of the most banal, abysmal, mind-rotting entertainment that has ever come across. Television is nothing more than a pseudo-reality train wreck, movies are all shine and no substance and music is absolutely disgraceful. Class and wit are gone from the industry and what takes it's place is vapidity and executive greed. The only music outside of the ring of musicians that plague our airwaves that makes it big are the ones that follow some empty fad or those that dare not tiptoe past the boundaries that the mainstream has created. Every once in a while, something comes along that breaks the mold, but it's never something truly ground-breaking. It only ends up being dubstep. Seriously, fuck Daft Punk for starting that bullshit. 

I, being part of the aforementioned group of dimwits, can not be satisfied with listening to trash such as Lady Gaga and T-Pain. Mainly because I think that the former simply uses her appearance to shock others while I consider the latter to be further reason to not care for the rap scene. Seriously, what sort of great wisdom and passion am I going to get from people who've had to live on table scraps and managed to rise up to fame through sheer strength and perseverance? The point is, I am way more sophisticated that those little fucking shits. Rather than look for the future to fulfill my needs of music that provides much more meaning than whatever upcoming rapper is spewing out nowadays, I've decided to look into the past. I looked at CDs, tape cassettes and other outdated means to listen to music and I listened closely and carefully to what they had to offer. None of them could satisfy my needs. Some are too rude and bombastic, others are too quiet and boring. Not even the most popular of the recent past could succeed in pleasing my auditory sense. Queen spouts silly anthems ad nauseum (plus that Freddy Mercury has one of the worst voices in history), The Beatles are hipster bullshit that will never ever catch on and Elvis just stole a genre from the African-Americans and butchered it into his own half-assed attempt. If only there was a time in history where the world wasn't bound by the burdens of possible nuclear annihilation and Kayne West's antics...a time where the music was not only energetic but could also contribute to a greater movement in history. A time like the 20s, 30s and 40s!

Yes, from 1920 to 1949, there was nothing more to than have a grand old time! No one had to worry about another big war taking an incredibly large death tolls, bars were making grand profits with the Prohibition, everyone was economically stable for a while and free to celebrate all they wanted if they had white skin. Yes, there was nothing to worry about back in those days. No depression, no dust in your eyes, no scares of any kind of color, nothing at all. At that time, music broke through boundaries with a hot new sound called jazz. This craze was nothing like your rap music, it only increased in quality as the years went by. Not only that, but it spread to various genre, such as swing, blues, ragtime and many more. It was not only something that revolutionized the music industry but it was also something that could really change and impact the world rather than deteriorate its intelligence. As we all know, for a movement to really get moving, it needs a pioneer. That pioneer was Alton Glenn Miller.

Many of you uncultured swine may not be aware of who Mr. Miller is. Truth be told, it doesn't surprise me that you wouldn't know anything unless the Simpsons referenced it to you. Glenn Miller is perhaps one of the most influential musicians in history. Born in Clarinda, Iowa on March 1st, 1904, Glenn found himself moving from state to state. As he wandered around in other places, he found himself appreciating other sounds and enjoying them as well. So much so that he managed to get himself a trombone and joining his high-school band in Fort Morgan, Colorado in 1918. He dropped out of college in 1923 and went around from band to orchestra, to carry out his admiration for music. In 1934, he started to record under his own name and 3 years later he tried to form his own band. Even though it failed miserably, he still persevered. Slowly, he climbed his way to the top and by 1939, he was the biggest artist ever known. Much bigger than...what's his name...he shot himself in the head...his band had something to do with Buddha...ah, you probably don't know him.

The reason why I bring up Glenn Miller is not only to honor the man that strengthened the big band movement but to also show to others what a true, dignified artist is. For Glenn Miller represented what was right about being a musician. In fact, most musicians of his era, and most jazz/swing artists in general had a certain charisma and charm to them. It was something you could admire and appreciate no matter what age you were. You didn't have to be bounded by the angst and utter idiocy that comes with being a teenager. In fact, if you were a teenager at that time, you'd probably be learning more about this grand world and not be hooked on any sort of crazy drugs today. That, and you'd be one corny son-of-a-bitch, but that's not the point. The point is Glenn Miller did much better with his music than what is occurring today. It reflected onto his society positively rather than what these modern morons do with their terrible tunes. You could actually feel smart and learn a few things if you looked at what he had to offer. You certainly aren't getting a good education with Carly Rae Jepsen, that's for damn sure. That, and he's a shining representation of an artist who will live through the ages thanks solely to his music. Not like Micheal Jackson, who'll only be remembered for pedophilia charges, the sick fuck. I'm sure he'll fade off pretty soon. 

For starters, you could actually tell apart a Glenn Miller song from the others. He himself once said "A band ought to have a sound all of its own. It ought to have a personality". Telling from his wide array of compositions, there was no denying that he carried out with his words. From the elegant, graceful melodies of Moonlight Serenade to the jumpy, vibrant jig that is American Patrol to a mix of both with In The Mood, Glenn Miller knew how to mix and match properly. With his vast knowledge of listening to other musicians, he could borrow from them and give his songs a sense of culture to them. He knew that variety was the spice of life and gave us something unique every time. You can't tell Beyonce from Rihanna no matter how many times you listen to their songs. Even if you could, they do the same thing over and over again like a broken record. And I sure as hell don't like it when people scratch my Miller records. That wouldn't be so bad, but everyone seems to enjoy the monotony that current artists bring. Whatever happened to taking a chance, huh? No one's trying new key signatures, mixing their style up to create a rich, intriguing sound or even spouting a few seeds of wisdom here and there. The only chances artists take is with their wardrobes and that sure as hell does nothing other than make us pester our parents to buy us useless possessions like the collection of expensive watches my dad bought me.

Another thing very notable of Mr. Miller is that he was an incredibly humble man. He wasn't "interested in making money", he followed his passion as a musician. A lot of people praised him for his great jazz band, but he says that he doesn't have one, nor should he want one. He never thought of himself as a master of his domain, he just "want[ed] the image to be recognizable". It may border on self-deprecation, but I can assure you that a man of his magnitude was not one to pity. He made 20,000 dollars a week, but it didn't change him at all. Glenn Miller just cared about the music and making his mark on the industry. That is someone to admire as a role model. Someone clean and refined. Nowadays you give some starving artist 20,000 dollars and they'll think they're cock of the walk. Why? Because that's what you see. Shallow, greedy artists throwing their money around the streets, convincing the impressionable youth that being a materialistic prick is the right path. No one cares for values or codes of ethics, they just want to buy shiny jewelry and snort cocaine off a hooker's rear. I swear, I just want to drive up by these ingrates and shoot them one by one. 

Speaking of shooting, did you know that Glenn Miller joined the war effort in '42? Probably not, you insipid imbecile. Yes, this patriotic fellow served in the Army Air Force Band, entertaining the troops. He created a weekly radio broadcast called I Sustain The Wings designed to not only to further amuse the soldiers but to also get the Americans at home enjoying their favorite tunes. In 1944, he recorded some of the songs with his orchestra in German. Now you may not see what the big deal about that is, but keep in mind that Miller's style was usually delightful and could bring a smile to anyone. They figured that if they made these recordings and the Germans would listen to them, they'd feel sad that their English-speaking enemies were having more fun, which would psychological mess them up. With all his efforts, he managed to rise up to major. Major Miller. Major. Fucking. Miller. When's the last time you heard about Justin Bieber getting a medal of honor, hmm? I don't think Andy Samberg has aided the Afghanistan troops, all he does is act like a fucking retarded fratboy for your amusement. None of these artists do anything to help in the war effort. Hell, they don't even protest it! They don't voice any sort of opinion on any matter whatsoever, leaving people oblivious to the grander world that surrounds them. They do nothing influential  in this world other than spew garbage. What does everyone do thanks to them? Nothing. What do we do about it? Nothing. We do nothing but let our intelligence wither away into a realm of hackneyed, trite bullshit! That's all you immature, pathetic fools do, just jack off to talentless asshats and laugh at the geniuses who paved the path for them simply because you think that the old is not worthy of your time! All of you sicken me and I hope all of you burn in the deepest levels of HELL! GO. FUCK. YOURSELVES!!

On Decemeber, 15, 1944, his plane disappeared over the English Channel. He left behind his wife, Helen Burger, his children, and a legacy that will live longer than anyone's career today. Miller was a leader, an innovator, a role-model and a great asset to the war effort. Sure, he may have not be the most risky nor the most witty of artists out there, but he gave something more to society. Miller gave the world happiness, hope, bravery, perseverance and honor. One must have these things into to make it big and show the world that there is more to just what confines them. I know that when one looks back in history, they find matters that are troubling, confusing and mostly boring. I know that it's not easy to do something that isn't confined to the social stigmas. All I urge you to do is to listen to some of his music. Take in the graceful symphonies he has to offer. Then go around, looking at others like Duke Ellington, Gordon Goodwin and Gene Krupa. Have a sense of culture to yourself. Make yourself into a refined individual rather than a lowlife urchin. Do that, and maybe I can consider you as a human being rather than a brain-dead sheep. Or don't, I couldn't give two fucks on what you do, you despicable pile of roach shit. Either way, I'm right and thus superior to all of you brats who don't invite me to any of your crazy parties. Argue otherwise and you're nothing more than a bully who spends their time picking on people that while they don't fit your standards, enjoy life more than you ever will! 

We leaders are criticized for a lot of things. It's always true after a band gets up there and is recognized by the public - Major Alton Glenn Miller

Top 5 Personal Best Albums of Breakbit 2012

AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS MY OPINION, NOT THE GENERAL CONSENSUS OF THE PUBLIC. JUST WANT TO THROW THAT OUT THERE FOR CLARIFICATION

There was a lot of great music that came out of Breakbit this year. From the newcomers to the old timers, everyone managed to do a fantastic job with their work. I've decided to look over all of the work and have picked the top 5 to talk about. It was a difficult task as I had to cut Metrosound's magnificently mysterious albums, Poopooface's wacky tunes among many more. This may sound like I'm being nothing more than an ass-kisser here, but a lot of you at Breakbit make wonderful stuff, and I suggest you keep it up. With that out of the way, lets get to my top 5 picks.

5. Progressive Acid Jazz by RookieTheCook

Breakbit has a large assortment of overlooked artists that range from pumping albums like mad or throwing one album into the ring to await response and then venture away, hardly to be heard from again. RookieTheCook manages to be the latter and it is understandable to see why his work has been looked away from. The sound that usually derives from Breakbit isn't particularly associated with a jazzy groove. It's more on the experimental, trip-hop and dance rave side of music. It's a shame that because of its direction it's not looked upon more, because this album is beyond sublime. Every song from "All The Good Things" to "NZT-48" utilizes the bizarre background noise, noticeable rhythm track and smooth melody template wonderfully. The songs end up settling into the mellow infrastructure of jazz but also envelop themselves in the manipulation of the samples that allow for the music to feel more free and loose. Some songs even have a very distinct tint to them, such as the vinyl record effect of "Azure" and the waiting room-like style of "Mindstate". Ignoring the 3 skits that Rookie throws into the mix, this concept of progressive acid jazz must be looked upon further. If Rookie will release more to Breakbit, he should make a considerable effort to develop further on this style.

4. Greengums by Vaervaf

While RookieTheCook's style doesn't fall through to the frame that Breakbit has set up, Vaervaf helps to construct the frame even further with his unique sound. He has always had a gleam of experimentation in his eye and Greengums captures that surrealistic element of his work quite well. Each song is filled with emotion that has been mangled to such lengths that it's incomprehensible. Most of the songs have a great melody and beat to them, and some of the more grating sections in a song end up fitting well to the tune itself. The song titles and lyrics are nothing more than cryptic Mad Libs, all that is left from listening to this album is a sensation of uncertainty. There's so many different techniques implemented into the songs that it's hard to classify the album other than saying that it's experimental. That tone is what makes the album so great because it leaves it up to the interpretation of the listener. One could find "moxlienve" to be a lingering emptiness or a pseudo-ambient piece or "brik" to be looking into the mind of a shy person ridden with ADHD or a maddening variation of a quasi-folk song. Really, it depends on whether Vaervaf is trying to convey a simply message through abstract means or taking genres and altering them beyond recognition. Since that's what the album bases itself upon, it leaves for a lot of replayability and enables the listener to continue listening.

3. Disruptor by mrSimon

Never before has a musical tribute to a children's cartoon been crafted with such a level of complexity that could easily be found in a more independent album. Not only does each song create a tone that can easily be associated with by the style that it follows but it also follows to a "three act" structure that moves the song along phases that play off just the right amount of intensity needed. The samples resemble a Pogo-esque approach which helps to not only properly shine light to the source but also weaves itself well into the progression of the song. Tracks like "Constant" and "Fine Day For Science" take it to a degree where the samples build up to later ooze out all the passion in such an angelic way. Other tracks like "Drop That Monkey" and "Past The Bolter Door" serve well as dance/rave tunes with it's faster pace and higher emphasis with the rhythm. It does help that guest artists Dainumo, Jeesh, glue70 and T-Sex either create their own tracks to play into the nostalgic connection or remix previous tracks mrSimon made to get people who have no relation whatsoever to Dexter's Lab enjoying the album just as much.

2. Autism And Recipes by DR777

It's hard to put into words how magnificent and intriguing Autism And Recipes is. This is mainly due to how all over the place it is. As it is well known, DR777 doesn't adhere to any rules when it comes to creating content. He just selects a wide array of different samples and collides them all into one product. It somehow manages to work in such a way that said product ends up becoming a very interesting work of art. Most of the songs follows a somewhat funky feel to them, but none of the songs seem to be the same in their progression. While this shows the level of skill and depth that goes into the work of DR777, it becomes difficult to explain the strengths of the album without going through a detailed explanation of each song. The best way to put it is that no matter how chaotic or how relaxed the music is, all of the songs feel like a collage put together in a way that everything belongs there and it's placed in the right spot and in the right way. If that doesn't suffice to explain how well-done Autism and Recipes is, then the next-best course of action is to purchase it. The album's a mere 5 dollars, so that's the least one can do to support an ever-growing artist.

1. Worldwide Digitizing by glue70

Glue70 had two fantastic albums released this year, so it was a difficult choice on which one should end up here. While both are absolutely delightful, Worldwide Digitizing brought out another side of glue70. Rather than basing tracks around samples and adding a few rhythm tracks below it, this album delved more into having glue70 make his own sound and then injecting samples into it so that it enhances the final product. It also manages to appeal to a larger base of listeners since the sound is less stylized and more simplistic. That's not to say that the music doesn't have an aura to it that can't be associated with glue70 and that his other works are far too complicated for the average listener, it's just filtered better for a "mainstream" crowd. The true beauty of the album is how most (if not all) of the songs can easily be transmitted to an [adult swim] bump such as "Sines Point To Yes", "Destiny Avenue" and "Peniclean". It just has such a cool vibe to it that could hook anyone in just a mere snap of the fingers. Simply put, this album has a great selection of well-made and rich-sounding tunes and it shows a more creative and precise personality of an already creative and precise artist.