Poughkeepsie, NY - A new survey by the Marist Institute of Public Opinion found that 3 out of 4 Americans need something stronger to cope with the absolute shitfest that is going on. "Due to high levels of anxiety from recent events, many people are finding comfort from the bottle rather than any sort of recreational activity", said Marist data analyzer Sandra Crestwood. "In fact, many of the people who we asked already were carrying flasks with them." Among those polled, half of them have said that they've gone from whisky to absinthe, and 10% of them have gone from absinthe to Sunset Rum. "One person has straight up decided to take shots of pure ethanol to get through the day." She goes on to add that one of the most surprising factors is the amount of conservatives who feel their liquor isn't doing the trick. "Some of them are drinking out of regret and others are just trying to drown out all the noise. It's pretty much a coin-flip on which one it is for them." The survey also found that 80% of Americans would rather you shut the fuck about taking yoga to calm down about the political mess that's going on.
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